Seinfeld - Kramer Quote #783
Kramer: I wouldn't walk over there.
Jerry: Why not?
Kramer: It's the most dangerous part of the sidewalk. Cab hops a curb... You've had your last egg sandwich.
Jerry: What about over there? You know air conditioners fall out all the time.
Kramer: I'd much rather get hit by an 80 pound air conditioner than a two ton cab.
Jerry: No, cab's coming in right here. Set of plastic hips, prosthetic legs, and a monkey to answer the door, I'm back in business.
Kramer: I'd much rather take one in the head, like I did in '79.
Jerry: You were living in the village then, right?
Kramer: Don't really remember.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: [on the phone] I'm telling you, Jerry, I'm getting a vibe. If I didn't know better, I'd say the staff completely lost respect for me. [Dugan mocks her dancing in the background]
Jerry: How could that be?
Elaine: Jerry, it's like the feeling is palpable. You think it could have something to do with the party?
Jerry: No, George was there, he said he had a great time.
Elaine: Oh, it's George. I bet you this is somehow George related.
Jerry: Oh, what are you talking about?
Elaine: He's like a virus. He attaches himself to a healthy host company, and the next thing you know, the entire staff's infected.
Quote from Frank Costanza
Frank Costanza: I'm sitting at home reading a periodical, and this is the call I get? My son is a bootlegger? [slaps George in the head]
George: Ow! Dad...
Frank Costanza: Who put you up to this? Was it her?
Elaine: All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.
Frank Costanza: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
Elaine: You got that right.
Frank Costanza: What the hell does that mean?
Elaine: It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
Frank Costanza: You saying you want a piece of me?
Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.
Frank Costanza: You want piece of me? You got it!
Quote from Jerry
Kramer: It's Brody.
Jerry: What are you, crazy? I don't want to see this guy again.
Kramer: Jerry, you did him a favor. He probably wants to come up and thank you.
Jerry: What if I didn't do it right?
Kramer: It's your first time. He'll understand.
Jerry: People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns. Too many misunderstandings.
Quote from The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from The Pool Guy
Kramer: [answers phone] Hello, and welcome to Moviefone. Brought to you by The New York Times and Hot 97. Coming to theaters this Friday: Kevin Bacon, Susan Sarandon, "You've got to get me over that mountain!" "No!" [bang, bang] "Argh" There is no place higher than ... Mountain High. Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
Elaine: Kramer, is that you?
Elaine: Uh, what time does Chow Fun start?
Kramer: I don't know.
Quote from The Jimmy
Kramer: You know, you really shouldn't brush 24 hours before seeing the dentist.
Jerry: I think that's eat 24 hours before surgery.
Kramer: Oh, no, you got to eat before surgery. You need your strength.