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The Handicap Spot

‘The Handicap Spot’

Season 4, Episode 22 - Aired May 13, 1993

Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer cause trouble when they park in a handicapped spot at the mall.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Cop: Mr. Costanza?
Frank Costanza: Yes?
Cop: You're under arrest.
Frank Costanza: Under arrest? What for?
Cop: Reckless endangerment of public safety, and violation of traffic code 342-A.
Frank Costanza: What's that?
Cop: Parking in a handicap spot. Let's go.
Frank Costanza: George! George!

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Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: [picks up shoes] I don't think you did such a good job on these...
George: [turns off vacuum] What!?
Frank Costanza: You're supposed to your face there! Do you see your face in there?

Quote from George

Frank Costanza: George, forget about the shoes. I want you to do something for me. This handicapped woman had an accident. Somebody gave her a used wheelchair with defective brakes.
George: Sons of bitches!
Frank Costanza: Anyway, I want you to pick up this big screen TV, and deliver it to her.
George: Big screen TV?
Frank Costanza: Do you think you can handle it?

Quote from Kramer

George: I hate this mall, there are never any spaces here.
Kramer: Why don't you park in front of the hydrant?
George: What if there is a fire?
Kramer: Now, what are the chances of that?

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The handicapped parking spot is the mirage of the parking desert. Do you know that feeling? You see it there in the distance. It's almost- You can't believe your eyes. It's too good to be true. It's a big, wide spot. It's right by the entrance. Somehow everybody missed it. What is the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics? [audience groans] They must have to stack, like, a hundred cars into those two spots. How else are they gonna do it?

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Said I'm not good looking enough for her. Not good looking! Jerry, look at me. Look at my face, huh, am I beautiful? George, am I beautiful?
George: ... You're very attractive.
Kramer: Yeah. She says she doesn't wanna see me again. Told me to drop dead!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Why don't you take a handicap spot?
George: You think?
Elaine: No, no! We'll find a space. There's spaces in the other lot.
George: I don't want to walk that far.
Elaine: What if a handicapped person needs it?
Kramer: Oh, come on. They don't drive!
Jerry: Yes, they do!
Kramer: Have you ever seen a handicapped person pull into a space and park?
Jerry: Well there's spaces there, they must drive!
Kramer: Well they don't. If they could drive, they wouldn't be handicapped.
Elaine: So if you can drive, you're not handicapped?
George: Look, we're not gonna be that long anyway. We have to get to the "party"!
Kramer: I got news for you: handicapped people, they don't even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That's why, those spaces are always empty.

Quote from Jerry

George: How are we gonna get out of here? We need a plan.
Jerry: I've got it! [snaps his fingers] We give the keys to Elaine.
Elaine: Me?
Jerry: Yeah. You're a woman. Men don't hit a woman.
Elaine: Oh, they won't?
Jerry: Not if they don't know you.

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