‘The Friars Club’
Season 7, Episode 18 - Aired March 7, 1996
A promising new relationship of Jerry's is threatened by a missing jacket. Elaine wonders whether her new colleague is pretending not to hear when he's assigned work. Meanwhile, Kramer decides to change his sleeping schedule.
Quote from George
George: I, uh, oh, broke a shoelace today.
Susan Ross: Oh, I can get you shoelaces tomorrow.
George: Okay.
Susan Ross: So, what colour?
George: Brown. Maybe a black.
Susan Ross: Mmm.
Waitress: More coffee?
George: No! Check! [quieter] Please.
Quote from Jerry
[As Jerry reaches his apartment door, two men emerge from Kramer's apartment carrying a burlap sack with a body in it.]
Jerry: That nut is always up to something.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: Oh, God! What happened to you?!
Kramer: She tried to kill me Jerry!
Jerry: Who?
Kramer: Connie!
Jerry: What'd she do?
Kramer: I don't know! But I woke up in the Hudson river in a sack! I think she drugged me, but she's a murderer and I'm calling the cops.
Jerry: Why would she try and kill you?
Kramer: Well, isn't it obvious? She doesn't want anybody else to have me! [walks into the door with a thud] Gah!
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Hey, there's uncle Milty.
George: Yeah, it is.
Jerry: And there's David Steinberg.
George: The comedian, or the manager?
Jerry: The manager.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Hey, Pat.
Pat Cooper: Hey, Jerry. What the hell went wrong? What's the matter with you? Are you a kleptomaniac, or what?
Jerry: I forgot to take it off.
Pat Cooper: You forgot to take it off? Oh, you go into a department store, you put a suit on, and you walk right out. What are you some sort of an idiot?
Jerry: I'm sorry.
Pat Cooper: Where's the jacket?
Jerry: Well, one of the gypsies took it.
Pat Cooper: Ah, the gypsies took it! Of course, New York has a lot of gypsies! Oh, on every block there's a gypsy!
George: Well, it's true. I saw it.
Pat Cooper: Excuse me, are you an entertainer? Are you in showbusiness?
George: No, I uh...
Pat Cooper: Then what am I talking to you for? (to Jerry) Jerry, bring the jacket back tomorrow.
Jerry: All right.
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: That's her, officer.
Connie: Kramer! Oh, my God, I thought you were...
Kramer: What? Sleeping with the fishes? I guess I woke up!
Detective: You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Cosmo Kramer.
Connie: I didn't do anything.
Kramer: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Detective: Get your coat, we gotta take you in.
Connie: Can I call my lawyer?
Detective: Okay, go ahead.