David Puddy: Sorry I'm late.
Elaine: My new salesman boyfriend took me out to celebrate his promotion.
Jerry: Ah. Where'd you go?
Elaine: Uh, to a restaurant.
David Puddy: Arby's.
Elaine: I had the roast beef.

George: I'm starving. You got any of those free donuts you use to soften people up?
David Puddy: By the service department.
George: [to Jerry] All right, remember: no rust-proofing. Commit to nothing. If you have to speak, mumble.
Jerry: Au revoir, Le George.
George: Don't think it can't happen!

Jerry: Hey, Elaine, have you noticed your boyfriend has developed an annoying little habit?
Elaine: The squinting?
Jerry: No.
Elaine: The staring?
Jerry: No. He keeps asking me to give him a high-five.
Elaine: I thought all guys do that.
Jerry: Slapping hands is the lowest form of male primate ritual. In fact, even some of them have moved on. They're using sign language now.
Elaine: It'ss that bad?
Jerry: What do you think the Nazis were doing? That was the heil-five.
Elaine: Isn't that from your act, like, ten years ago?
Jerry: It was a good bit in the '80s, and it's still relatable today.

George: Excuse me. Do you have change of a dollar?
Mechanic: No.
George: Could I, uh, could I trade you for another dollar?
Mechanic: Don't have one.
George: Excuse me. When your, uh, when your wallet was open, I glanced inside, and I couldn't help but notice that you had several crisp dollar bills.
Mechanic: You're incorrect.
George: Perhaps you could look again, please? I'm very hungry.
Mechanic: We had donuts earlier. [exits]
George: I guess everyone here enjoys giving the old scroogie, huh?! You're all doig' a hell of a job! [looks at the Twix in the vending machine] Ho, ho. What I would do with you.

Rick: Mr. Kramer, we're really not allowed to use the cars to run errands.
Kramer: No, look, Rick. I'm very close to giving this car, that my celebrity friend is considering, my full endorsement. Ooh, Let's see if I can get a smile from these femininas. [yells out] Hey, Ladies! It's the Saab 900! What do you think? Can I interest you in a little supplemental restraint?! [off their response] Geez.

Jerry: I think the candy comes out over there.
George: People drop change down here, Jerry. And they're too lazy to pick it up.
Jerry: Either that, or they've got a weird little hang-up about lying face-down in filth. Why don't you just go to the cashier?
George: [stands up] The cashier is at lunch, which is where I'd like to be.
Jerry: How much was under there?
George: I think something bit me. I just need another nickel.
Jerry: Hey, Puddy thinks I should go for the CD player. What do you think?
George: Ho, ho, ho! He's got a live one. He's just reeling his big fish in!
Jerry: Hey, can I have my dollar back?
George: It's wrinkled. It's worthless.

Kramer: Well, just one more errand and we can head back.
Rick: Actually, it looks like we're gonna need some gas.
Kramer: Oh? Well, how much gas do you think is in there right now?
Rick: Well, it's on "E".
Kramer: You know, uh, oftentimes, Jerry, he lends me his car and I find myself in a situation where the car is almost out of gas. But, for a variety of reasons, I don't want to be the one responsible for purchasing costly gasoline.
Rick: So, you want to know how far you can drive your friend's car for free.
Kramer: Well, I make it up to him in other ways.

George: As you will see, the candy bar is paid for, and yet, remains dangling in the machine. Hey, it's gone.
Where is my Twix? [looks back at the heavy-set mechanic] What?! That guy's eating it!
Salesman: Well, how do you know that one's yours?
George: Uh, it was dangling! There were only two left in the machine! He must've bought one, and gotten both. Salesman: Sir, are you gonna buy a car?
George: No! [The salesman walks away] Hey! Hey! I can see you! That is my Twix! [The mechanic eats the last of the Twix] Oh, ha, ha! Ho, ho!

David Puddy: Paper jam. Got it! High-five. On the flip side.
Elaine: David, um, I..
David Puddy: Don't leave me hanging.
Elaine: You're a salesman now, and the high-five is... It's very grease monkey.
David Puddy: What did I tell you about that?
Elaine: I'm sorry, but the high-five is just so stupid.
David Puddy: Oh, yeah? I'll tell you what's stupid. You. Stupid.
Elaine: Well, that is really mature.
David Puddy: Yeah? So are you.
Elaine: Huh?
David Puddy: You're the grease monkey.
Elaine: Uh, that doesn't make any sense. I am leaving.

David Puddy: Let's finish this up.
Jerry: Did you two break up?
David Puddy: That chick's whacked. We're history. I just left out a couple of things: rust-proofing.
Jerry: Rust-proofing?
David Puddy: Transport charge, storage surcharge, additional overcharge, finder's fee.
Jerry: Finder's fee? It was on the lot!
David Puddy: Yeah, that's right. And floor mats, keys..
Jerry: Keys?!
David Puddy: How you gonna start it?