Jerry: I am very excited about this date. We're going to Hunan Balcony.
Elaine: She's Chinese, so you suggest Chinese food?
Jerry: She suggested it.
Elaine: I thought Chinese don't eat Chinese.
Jerry: She's very assimilated.

Elaine: [talking on the phone with a hairdryer blowing] Hi, Paul, it's Elaine calling. Yeah, I'm calling from a car phone, so I don't really have time to talk. Is Noreen there? Oh, she's not? Okay, great. Well, you can just tell her I called then, and... Well, yes, it has been unseasonably cool lately. Okay. Well, look, I'm pulling up to the building now, so I'm gonna... [later] Yeah, I tip 20 percent too. [turns hairdryer on and off] Lookit, Paul, the car seems to be running out of gas... so I'm gonna have to get off the phone.

Man: [holding a cigarette] You mind?
Jerry: No, go ahead. I secondhand smoke two packs a day.

Donna: Jerry.
Jerry: Excuse me?
Donna: Hi, sorry I'm late.
Jerry: Who are you?
Donna: I'm Donna Chang.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Donna: I mean I'm Donna Chang.
Jerry: You're Donna Chang?
Donna: Did you think I was Chinese?
Jerry: Oh. No. What, you mean because of the "Chang"?
Donna: Actually, the family name wasn't originally Chang.
Jerry: I didn't think so.
Donna: Used to be "Changstein."

Elaine: She's not Chinese?
Jerry: No, not Chinese. Not even Asian.
Elaine: So, what is she?
Jerry: Well, she's like you.
Elaine: Oh, how disappointed you must have been.
Jerry: Well, it's false advertising, see? And the thing is, I think she likes people thinking she's Chinese. She suggests Chinese food... She always introduces herself as Donna Chang.
Elaine: So why are you seeing her again?
Jerry: Well, she is a woman.

Elaine: Listen, I spoke to Paul and Noreen. They might be breaking up.
Jerry: Really?
Elaine: Well, maybe.
Jerry: Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Paul and Noreen broke up because you kept hanging up on him?
Elaine: What do you mean?
Jerry: Well, if Paul thought it was some guy hanging up because he was having an affair with Noreen.

Donna: George, she's so sweet. We talked for an hour. Anyway, I'm really sorry.
George: Sorry, why sorry? What do you have to be sorry about?
Donna: Well, she told me she and your father are getting divorced.
[George turns the gas on and sticks his head in Jerry's oven]

Elaine: So you guys are trying to work it out. That's great.
Noreen: Yeah, well, we're trying, but he just went insane there for a while.
Elaine: He went insane?
Noreen: Believe it or not, Paul was convinced I was having an affair because somebody kept calling and hanging up whenever he answered. What kind of a sick person calls and hangs up over and over?
Elaine: Well, I don't know about sick. I mean, maybe it was somebody who didn't wanna talk to whoever was answering because whoever was answering was always making boring chit-chat and was completely oblivious to the fact that the person who was calling didn't wanna speak to them.
Noreen: I can't believe that was you.
Elaine: I'm really sorry, Noreen.
Noreen: So you thought he was boring?
Elaine: Hey, Noreen, don't go by me.

Jerry: Oh, Miss Changstein. This is Elaine.
Elaine: Hi. How are you?
Donna: Guess what? Mrs. Costanza called me. They're not getting divorced.
Jerry: Why, what happened?
Donna: Well, she was trying to call George last night, she got me. We spoke for an hour, and she changed her mind.
Jerry: Wow, that's amazing.
Donna: Anyway, she wants to meet me. She invited me over for dinner. She said you should come too.
Jerry: Tonight?
Donna: Yeah. I just remembered. I'm gonna have to cancel my acupuncture class.

George: All right, let me just say one thing. There is no way that this is gonna happen. You hear me? No way! Because if you think I'm going to two Thanksgivings, you're out of your mind!
Estelle Costanza: We're not getting divorced.
Frank Costanza: Your mother changed her mind.
George: You did? That's good. That's very good. I'm very glad to hear that.
Frank Costanza: Yeah, we worked it out.