Julie: Well, when I came over to the table, she mentioned something about how she better hurry up and leave or you'd make her buy lunch to make up for the one you bought yesterday.
George: [laughs] I'm not following that.
Julie: Well, my question is, how could Elaine be under the impression that you bought the big salad, when I was the one who handed it to her?
George: Well, she probably just assumed.
Julie: Um, did she?
George: [chuckles] Wait. Wait a second. Are you suggesting that I went out of my way to tell Elaine that even though you handed her the big salad, that it came from me?
Julie: That's what I'm suggesting.
George: Well, it was a big salad. And what I would like to know is how does a person who has virtually nothing to do with the big salad claim responsibility for that salad and accept a thank-you under false pretenses? Ah? Ah?
Julie: George, all I did was hand someone a bag.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Murder doesn't really seem like that great of revenge. Wouldn't years of subtle psychological mind games be a lot more satisfying? You know, constantly calling him and hanging up when he answers the phone. Sending pizzas and taxis to their house all night long. After a while he would go, "I wish that guy would kill me already. I can't take it anymore." And how come whenever the police catch some really bad criminal or something they put him in the handcuffs, and they hit him with the baton, they put the choke hold on him, then they're always careful they don't want him to hurt his head when they're putting him in the back of the patrol car. "Watch your head there. Watch your head there. Don't hit that metal edge there, that really hurts."

Julie: I like Anna Quindlen's column. And Safire. Don't you like Safire?
George: Oh, Safire. [chuckles]
Julie: Although at times, he can be rather pedantic.
George: He can be pedantic. He can be pedantic.
Julie: And Bob Herbert's great. He's with the Daily News.
George: Yes. Yes. You know what's interesting. The quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is Bobby Hebert. No "r" which I find fascinating. You know, it's Herbert h-e-r-b-e-r-t, Hebert h-e-b-e-r-t. "Hebert", it's a fun name to pronounce. Try and say it Hebert. Go ahead, take a shot.

Stationer: May I help you?
Elaine: Yeah, uh, I'm looking for a Rolamech 1000. It's a mechanical pencil.
Stationer: Oh, I know the Rolamech 1000.
Elaine: No, I'm sure you do.
Stationer: They're pretty expensive.
Elaine: Well, it's for my boss.
Stationer: What do you do?
Elaine: Whatever.
Stationer: Well, we don't have any in stock right now, but I would be happy to order it for you. Just give me your phone number and when it comes in I'll give you a call. You're name is?
Elaine: Elaine.
Stationer: Elaine. And your last name?
Elaine: It's just Elaine. Like Cher.
Stationer: And your number?
Elaine: Uh, aw, KL5-239O.
Stationer: Okay. Thanks a lot. You'll be hearing from me.

Jerry: Why did you give him my number?
Elaine: I think he's got ideas.
Jerry: I wonder if any woman ever said that about Einstein?

George: Elaine, Julie.
Elaine: Hi.
Julie: Oh, hi. Elaine's my middle name.
Elaine: Oh, mine's "Ike".

George: Hey, wanna get some lunch?
Jerry: Just had a big bowl of Kix.
George: Ah, well, that's very mature.

George: All right. I got it.
Julie: No, no. I'd like to take you out.
George: No, Julie. Julie, don't insult me. You know, what difference does it make who pays for lunch. It's totally meaningless.
Julie: Okay, thanks, George.
Waitress: Here's your big salad to go.
Julie: Oh, thank you.

Jerry: [on the phone] Hello? No, she's not here. Okay, fine, whatever. I'll tell her. Okay. Goodbye. [hangs up] The stationery store guy called to say he ordered your pencil.
Elaine: I told you. He has ideas.
Jerry: He doesn't even care if a man answers.
Elaine: Or you.

Julie: Sorry we're late.
Elaine: No problem.
Julie: Here's your big salad.
Elaine: Thank you, Julie.
Julie: Oh, you're very welcome. So, I guess I better get going. I've got to meet mother at the Guggenheim. Sure you don't want to go?
George: No, you go Guggenheim. I'm not much of a Guggenheimer.