Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?

J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

George: Hey, guys, I assume you've already met my sharp, young lawyer who is gonna help me with my will.
Ted: You said I could help you. All this work for nothing. [rips paper]
J.D.: Ted! Ted! He means you.
Ted: Oh, man! I did this on my typewriter. I'll be back in 11 hours.

J.D.: [v.o.] I know it seems callous to leave, but whoever takes care of George tonight will be just as compassionate as us.
Denise: Mr. Valentine, I'm Dr. Mahoney. My attending really wants me to connect with my patients so if it's okay with you, I'd thought I'd get the ball rolling in a personal story.
George: Okay, you can call me George.
Denise: Awesome, I'm feeling it. So George, last Friday, I'm at a bar. I take this guy home. He's a little fat, whatever, right? Plus, chubsters are so grateful, they usually try harder. Anyway, right in the middle of things, he's sweating and snorting like a hairy rhino. And I just start to hate myself. Like really, really hate myself. So without even thinking, I just headbutt him, right in the face. Bam, clock him in between the eyes and knock him out cold. So, that's what I got. What do you got going on?
George: I like golf.
J.D.: [v.o.] When you get down to it, taking care of a patient means more than anything. Even Steak Night.
Turk: Hey, George.
J.D.: We'll take it from here, Chuckles.
Turk: Yeah. So long.
George: I think I just saw the Devil.

Turk: And what did you guys do for a living?
George: Barbara taught history. I coached football.
Turk: I played football. Yeah, defense, safety.
George: You?
J.D.: Oh no, I-I didn't, uh, I didn't play sports, per se, George. I was the, uh, mascot for the girls' volleyball team.
George: Really? You wear a costume?
J.D.: Oh, great costume, I wore a bandanna and a half-shirt. At away games, I wear spurs, which, in retrospective, is sort of weird 'cause we weren't the Cowboys.
George: You must have looked very beautiful.
J.D.: I felt beautiful.