Jake: Say, you know what? I was just planning on having a chill night in, but if you guys are free, I'd love for you to come by for a whiskey or... whatever.
David: O...Kay. You know... You know what? We'll, we'll think about that for a sec and see, and see.
Jake: Great! Hope to see you tonight.
David: Okay.
Jake: And for what it's worth, you guys make a beautiful couple.
David: Thank you so much.

Patrick: What?
David: No, you're just, your face is all red. It's beet red.
Patrick: It is not!
David: Mm-hmm. It's flush.

Johnny: Now, the suit works, Bob.
Ronnie: Bob, in my experience, it doesn't matter what you wear. It's all about being yourself.
Roland: I think the last person Bob wants to be right now is himself.
Bob: I agree with Roland.

Johnny: Pick another name!
Roland: Okay, all right. Uh... okay, yeah. [high voice] Hi. I'm Ronnie. That's my friend Gwen.
Bob: Oh...
Ronnie: Okay, this is a disaster.
Johnny: Thank you, Roland. I'll take over from here.

Johnny: Well? How'd it go, Bob? It looked like you two were hitting off.
Bob: What're the odds of... running into my marriage counselor here?
Roland: I'm sorry, did you just say you picked up your marriage counselor?
Bob: No. I'm saying she told me she can't keep seeing me. Apparently, there's a conflict of interest and, uh, she's chosen to go with Gwen. But... I can't blame her.

Johnny: Okay, can we try my system now? We all laugh, on the count of three, as if Bob just told a very funny joke.
Bob: Oh, no pressure.
Johnny: Well, you don't actually have to tell a joke, Bob. Just act like you did. And that might attract uh... you know, someone's attention.
Bob: What if they ask me what I said?
Johnny: Well, they're not gonna ask you what you said.
Ronnie: I don't know, Johnny. This sounds like a really complicated plan.
Johnny: It couldn't be more simple. Just follow my lead. [laughs]

Johnny: It's working. It's working. Working.
Woman: Is something funny?
Johnny: Well, now that you mention it...
Woman: Because it looked like you were laughing at me.
Roland: [snorts, stifles laughter]
Johnny: No, It's, it's just my very available friend, Bob here, just said something so funny.
Woman: What'd you say?
Bob: You said they wouldn't ask.
Ronnie: Okay, I'm not saying I'm bailing on this, but I think I'm gonna go mingle and... I might not come back.
Johnny: It's not so much, uh, what he said, it was just, uh, it was a funny observation. [laughs]
Woman: Well, next time, observe someone else.
Roland: [makes engine noise] Crrrash and burn, Johnny.
Bob: Boy, I... I buckled under the pressure. But she was a dead ringer for Gwen.

Patrick: Is that cologne I smell?
David: No. This is a leather-scented body moisturizer.
Patrick: So, you... you moisturized your body then. You know what? [chuckles] Why don't we not do this? This is getting a bit complicated.
David: The only thing that's complicated here is the length of your sleeves. Go long, go short. Just pick one. Um, as for this? If one of us wants to leave and the other one wants to stay, then...
Patrick: We both leave.
David: We... both leave, yeah. So... I think you should knock on the door because these arms are nice and warmed up.

Jake: Hi, boys. So glad you could make it. Come on in.
Patrick: Oh wow. A lot of people are here for drinks, David.
Jake: Yeah, a few more are on their way. Make yourselves at home, boys. Great shirt, by the way.
Patrick: Aw.
David: Mm-hmm. Thanks. Um... We left our wine in the car.
Patrick: Oh.
David: So we should go get that.
Jake: Oh, don't worry about it. Plenty of vino here.
David: Yeah, it's just that ours is um... kosher.
Patrick: Mm.
Jake: Well, hurry back. We're gonna start the massage circle soon.

David: You have your coat. We should go. And... Stevie? Oh... my God.
Stevie: Huh.
David: What're you doing here?
Stevie: What're you two doing here?
David: We were...
Patrick: We were just...
Stevie: Invited for drinks?
David: I don't know what you're talking about. We came here to say hi and now we're leaving.
Patrick: Mm-hmm.
Stevie: Can I not have one thing for myself?
David: No.