Bob: What do you got, Johnny?
Johnny: Okay, here we go. Well, it's 1791, and three explorers have landed-
Ronnie: Next.
Johnny: I was flipping through the phone book the other day, and-
Ronnie: The phone book? How old are these?!
Johnny: Well, you're not even letting me get to the punchlines, Ronnie.
Bob: Johnny, you need a search and rescue team to find the punchlines for those setups.

Moira: So all this time I thought - Poor David thought - that you were home, resting your instruments!
David: I'm so disappointed.
Patrick & Stevie: Sorry, David.
David: [whispers] It's okay.
Moira: However, in the business of show, skullduggery, when it leads to such thrilling results, a pinch of moral corruption is a small price to pay.
Stevie: Is that good?
Patrick: Yeah, I think so.
David: You choreographed this?
Moira: I loosened the pickle jar. Derek merely popped the lid.

Ted: Babe! I didn't like how we left things this morning.
Alexis: Me neither. I'm the one that should be sorry.
Ted: No, I should've been more direct, and we should've just talked this through. And I actually did some research on the Maldives, and there's this beautiful resort that we could stay at, it just means we might have to work there part-time, to cover the costs. But I feel like I could teach windsurfing.

Ted: Alexis, you continue to amaze me. I can't wait to do this with you. Oh! We're gonna need to shots.
Alexis: Yes! Let's celebrate!
Ted: Uh, no, no, no, I meant like, vaccinations.
Alexis: Mm.
Ted: Yeah, just 'cause we'll be spending a lot of time in tents, and there could be disease-carrying insects around, so...

Roland: All right, Johnny! Go on! Head on up there! Let's see what you've got up your starched sleeve of yours.
Johnny: I'll tell you what I've got up my sleeve Roland, a few tasty little rippers that uh are more palatable than anything Jocelyn's been serving up tonight, so.
Jocelyn: Hey, is that a crack about my cooking?
Bob: From the guy who's had four helpings?
Johnny: Oh, and Bob's joking about me having four helpings. We all know if you've ever taken your car to Bob's Garage, he's not necessarily known "four helpings" anyone.

Johnny: No, I wish you guys could've been there tonight. I was really ripping into them.
Moira: Yes, I'm sure you killed them, dear, with all the venom of a silkworm.

Patrick: This "Money" number is so complicated that if we don't get the outside help, we will be laughed off stage. You've seen me dance.
David: Yes, you have legs like tree trunks, we knew that going into this.
Patrick: Thank you.

Stevie: Can we just have one more private session with Derek, and then it's done.
David: One more session?! I thought last night was the last session!
Patrick: Well, we couldn't nail the final lift.
David: What is this, "Dirty Dancing?!"

Alexis: Mm, Ted, it smells so good in here! What's the occasion?
Ted: Brunch. That we were supposed to make together.
Alexis: Oh, don't worry, babe, I've already eaten.
Ted: So then I guess I'll just have your plate for dinner, then.

Ted: Nope. Uh no, I was thinking somewhere more exotic, like, I don't know, somewhere that would have beaches for you, and some interesting wildlife for me?
Alexis: Okay, I've just been to Miami so many times before, and trust me, the "wildlife" is not as sexy up close.
Ted: No, I'm talking about farther away. Like, I don't know the Galapagos Islands.
Alexis: I love that.
Ted: Really?
Alexis: Yes, as a jumping-off point, yes! But if we're thinking islands, why don't we do something less sleepy and scary, like, The Maldives?