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‘The Incident’ Quotes   Page 2 of 2

Schitt's Creek: The Incident

602. The Incident

Aired January 14, 2020

David is mortified after a nighttime incident in bed with Patrick. Meanwhile, Johnny, Roland and Stevie visit a motel for sale, and Moira stages a takeover of a social media account to promote The Crows film.

Quote from Roland

Betty: Well, now that you're here, why don't you come on in, and pay your respects to Benny?
Johnny: Oh...
Betty: Considering you may be taking over his home.
Johnny: Yes, yes, yes. Well, sure. We can come in, and pay our respects.
Roland: Too bad it's not an open casket. I would've loved to say goodbye to old Benny's face.
Betty: We'd be happy to open it for you.
Johnny: No, no, closed-closed is fine.

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Quote from Moira

Alexis: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm! Quick "Q," um, has David taken your phone, or anything, or like, looked at anyone else's phone?
Patrick: No. Sorry, somebody wanna tell me what's goin' on?
Alexis: Okay, okay... so, no biggie, but my mom may have accidentally posted your little conversation from this morning over social media.
Patrick: The-the one about...
Alexis: The oopsie-daisy. Yes. But don't worry, I am involved now, and I will be taking it down.
Patrick: It's still up?!
Moira: And generating a lot of traction. But yes, it's been uh, we're taking it... it's being taken down right now.

Quote from Moira

Patrick: So how... how did this happen?
Moira: Right. I was strong-armed into participating in social marketing, and a dear friend of mine from Singapore, Miss CherryBus, suggested I try my hand at creating a living stream.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: So all we need to do is keep David off the internet for like, 24 hours, or until a celebrity says something wrong, which could be any minute.
Patrick: Okay, I think I can handle that.

Quote from Johnny

Stevie: I don't think I'm ready to... commit to this business like, as a whole.
Johnny: Oh. Well, that is a bigger conversation, isn't it?
Stevie: It's just, doing "Cabaret" made me feel like I should push myself, and so I just wondered... you know, maybe there's something more out there for me.
Johnny: Well, what are you saying, you want out?
Stevie: No! Uh, I don't know, I just... I feel like... I'd regret it if I didn't at least try to see what's out there.
Johnny: Well, if that's what you feel you need to push yourself, Stevie, I uh... certainly am not gonna stand in your way. Same reason I left the button factory when I was a young man. That, and the fact that working conditions weren't exactly safe for a ten-year-old, but... that being said, I'm not going to pretend that I don't hope you'll come back. Either way, I hope you find what you're looking for.

Quote from David

David: What is that?
Patrick: What's what?
David: S-something spilled.
Patrick: What?
David: Something spilled in the bed.
Patrick: Okay, well, clean it up!
David: No, it's wet. There's wet in the bed.
Patrick: What?
David: Yeah.
Patrick: Well, what did you spill, David?
David: I didn't spill anything!
Patrick: Well, what... are you bleeding?
David: What?! No!
Patrick: Well, what is it?
David: Nothing.
Patrick: Is it you? What happened?
David: Nothing!
Patrick: Oh my God, David, did you wet the bed?
David: No. I have to go. I have to go.

Quote from David

Patrick: Hey.
David: Hmm!
Patrick: So how was your seventh shower?
David: Satisfactory, thank you so much.
Patrick: Listen David, I...
David: Yeah, you know what? Can we just not?
Patrick: Well, I think it's important that we do.
David: Oh my God!
Patrick: Look, things happen.
David: Yes, things happen! Things happen all in your sheets, and now you need to remake your little bed, because I peed in it!

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay, great. Now we just wait three and a half hours, until people are on their lunch break, and then we post again.
Moira: Okay. Alexis, they're liking it! We have five likes! People are cawing back! Oh Alexis, I think you and I might need to purchase... antibiotics. I believe we've just gone viral.
Alexis: Ohh! [chuckles]

Quote from Roland

Stevie: A 20 minute drive to another motel. Mr. Rose, what are we doing here?
Johnny: Well, I brought you here, Stevie, because... I think we should buy it.
Stevie: Uh. Yeah, okay. I'm-I'm not sure about that.
Roland: No surprise there, Johnny, I told you she's not the visionary you and I are.

Quote from David

Patrick: David, you know, your tea has been just sitting here untouched for about half an hour, and you're probably gonna have to drink something at some point.
David: I'm just not that thirsty. I'm doing inventory.
Patrick: Okay, you're making this so much more of a thing than it needs to be.
David: Am I?

Quote from Roland

Betty: I-I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met. Um, how did you know my Benny?
Stevie: Johnny...
Johnny: Yes well, we were uh, friends, I mean... acquaintances, I would say...
Roland: From the bowling league.
Betty: Uh, you mean curling? Did you curl with my Benny?
Johnny: I-you know, more important, I think we just wanted to come by and pay our respects.
Betty: Mm-hmm.
Johnny: Because this must be so difficult for you dealing with your loss, and uh... selling the motel.
Betty: I'm sorry, I'm still trying to place you. I-I don't remember seeing you at Benny's last bonspiel.
Roland: Well, that's because Johnny here um... had another bonspiel to go to, and unfortunately that bonspiel was way more important than Benny's bonspiel, so we...
Johnny: Well, Ro-Roland that... we had to go to that bonspiel.
Roland: No, no, no, that was I would've been...

Quote from Alexis

Ronnie: Hey Moira, you weren't lying! You do have a knack for this.
Twyla: What are we looking at?
Alexis: Okay, um, no need to watch that. Okay, Twyla, if you haven't seen it already, then maybe just once, but that is it!

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Mrs. Terkstra, we're not feds. No, there seems to have been some crossed wires here. No, we thought we were coming out to look at the property. We're from Rosebud Motel.
Betty: Maureen Bud's old place?
Stevie: That would be the one. Uh, Aunt Maureen is... was my aunt.
Betty: Oh, for heaven's sakes! Benny and I used to play bingo with Maureen.
Roland: [laughs] What a small world! Johnny and I used to play bingo with Maureen, right after curling.
Johnny: Roland.

Quote from Patrick

Patrick: So what-what-what's goin' on?
Moira: And David is bewitching himself elsewhere?
Patrick: Yeah, he is uh, dusting the shelves, even though I cleaned them last week, but hey, whatever it takes to get him through this.
Moira: Priority number one, get David through this!

Quote from Patrick

Moira: Wonderful! Crisis averted.
Alexis: Hmm!
Patrick: Yeah, so you still haven't taken the post down.
Alexis: I'm doing that now.
Patrick: Cool. So I'll just sit here until that happens.
Alexis: It's kind of cute, though.
Patrick: Alexis.
Alexis: Yes?
Patrick: Let's take it down.
Alexis: Mm-hmm.

Quote from Johnny

Stevie: Mr. Rose... thank you. Okay, you know what? I think... I should just head home early, and think about it.
Johnny: Yeah... or you can think about it as you finish your shift?
Stevie: That's fair.
Johnny: I'm gonna miss that enthusiasm.

Quote from David

Patrick: I'm so glad you decided to stay.
David: Well, there's literally no liquid left in my body, so...

Quote from David

David: Huh! I wonder how long my mom lasted on the Internets.
Patrick: Not long, I don't think. You know, you were smart to get off of there.
David: Mm-hmm. I was curious to see what kinds of things she was posting throughout the day, though.
Patrick: Yeah, nothing of note.
David: Hmm.
Patrick: Um yeah, she really didn't know how to use it, so.

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