Alexis: Okay. Um, this has been a lot of fun, but I'm starting to smell a little too much like uh, campfire, and denim and plaid and stuff so bye.

Roland: Seriously, Johnny, good luck selling the town. You sure gonna need it.
Johnny: Why's that?
Roland: Well, it took a while to sell the first time. I mean, uh, it was on the market for, like, what, 20 years before you bought it.
Johnny: 20 years?
Roland: Yeah. I mean, most people just thought it was a waste of money that it would never sell, you know? Who in their right mind would buy it! [laughs] Then along came you.

Moira: [quietly] John.
Roland: Oh, there it is! There it is! The Vivian Blake bitch face!
Moira: Excuse me?
Roland: I didn't want to say anything, but you were my favourite character on Sunrise Bay.
Moira: Thanks.
Jocelyn: It's true. He lived for Sunrise Bay. I could be doing cartwheels in a thong in front of that television, which I have done, but if your show was on, I was as good as wall paper.

Johnny: He wants you to slap him.
Moira: I won't.
Jocelyn: Slap him, Moira.
Johnny: Go ahead and slap him.
Jocelyn: Slap my husband, Moira.
Moira: John, I won't!
Johnny: Slap him or I'll slap him.
Roland: Slap me!
Moira: I won't.
Roland: Slap me like a bitch!
Moira: [slaps three times] Sign the fucking contract!

Johnny: Moira! Moira!
Moira: Hm.
Johnny: Moira!
Moira: Oh no! I just finally cried myself to sleep.
Johnny: The bed is soaking wet.
Moira: Is it blood?

Johnny: Wake up. Start packing, the plumbing is shot to hell in this place and we are getting out. We are getting out!
David: What are you wearing? What is that? A nightgown?
Johnny: It's a nightshirt, David. And that's not the issue.

Johnny: Hello! Hello! Service? This bell is broken.
Stevie: Yeah, sorry. It's more or less decorative.

Stevie: Is there anything else I can help you with, Mr. Rose?
Johnny: Yes. My wife and I will be taking breakfast in our room this morning. Eggs Florentine and a yogurt parfait.
Stevie: Yeah... Unfortunately, due to a lack of everything, we don't do room service. Uh, but you're always welcome to help yourself to our complimentary espresso bar.
Johnny: I'd rather drink the pipe-water.
Stevie: I hear ya.

Moira: Rub my back.
David: What?! No.
Moira: I rubbed your back many a nights when you were little.
David: Yeah, in exchange for half my allowance.
Moira: Fine. You may select one silver piece from my accessory case.

Moira: Children, mindless bickering is a luxury we may no longer afford. You are blind to reality and for that I am most proud but our world's evil twin has reared her ugly...
David: Okay. I'm taking my journal into the bathroom. Where I will be shutting the door.
Moira: David! You might actually wanna hear this.