Moira: I was hoping this might be an opportune moment to discuss the quagmire in which you fancy yourself ensnared?
Bob: The what to the what now?

Alexis: This garbage quiz that it looks like you took more than once?
David: Yeah, because it's rigged. You could take it 1000 times you'd still get the same outcome.
Alexis: Oh, it's okay, David. You and Patrick have settled in to that like, nine to five life, so things are probably starting to feel a little snooze-town.
David: You're dating a vet who irons his polo shirts.
Alexis: Um, Ted and I got "Electrical Storm." So...
David: That's impossible. What did you do to get that? Did you plug your hairdryer in with wet hands again?
Alexis: Hey, that happened twice, David, let it go.

David: Have I ever told you how sexy it is to walk in here and see you doing, um, inventory? And wearing those little rubber thimbles on your fingers?
Patrick: They help me flip the pages easier.
David: Hot. Hot sex.

Moira: [on the phone] And John, I know disoriented you get in my absence. Don't forget I left you that Sudoku book.
Johnny: Yeah, well, I haven't needed it sweetheart, because I've been up since 5:00am, there's so much to do here at the motel. But listen, how are you doing? I mean, how does it feel to be back in the saddle?
Moira: Oh, John, there's a sweetness in the air. And I'm not just saying that because we shoot next to a baklava factory.

Stevie: Well, maybe you can move on to cleaning the windows, and give Roland his job back?
Johnny: Well, I've already done the windows. It looks like Roland might have to find some other work.
Roland: Oh jeez. Find some other work, do you hear him? What's gonna happen next? I go to my dermatologist, and Johnny's there getting my moles checked?
Stevie: Point made, Roland, thank you.

David: You know what else is hot and sexy? Doing something spontaneous this afternoon.
Patrick: Ooh, like what? You helping me with the inventory?
David: Yes. Or taking the afternoon off. Mixing up the nine to five.
Patrick: Okay, well, nine to five are our store hours. So it's kinda hard to build customer loyalty when your store is just like, spontaneously open or closed.

David: Okay, I don't like this.
Patrick: Okay, well then, just turn around! [to Alexis] Why would he agree do this when he's afraid of heights?
Alexis: He's not afraid of heights, He's afraid of moths and butterflies.
Ted: And businesswomen in sneakers.
Patrick: Okay, I can hear you. And also heights, something to do with him being broken up with while he was...
Alexis: Parasailing in the Seychelles! He and Anderson Cooper were stuck up there for like, three hours, until the wind died down. I totally forgot!

Moira: [on the phone] Who are those voices?
David: Uh, your children!
Moira: Oh Alexis, do you have strep again?
Alexis: That was David!
Moira: Is that Stevie?
Stevie: Hi.
Moira: David! Oh, David, how's the store? Any new customers, or is it still friendless?
David: Okay, thank you.

Moira: [on the phone] Darlings, I must sign off. I'm finally getting my tete-a-tete with the director. He's some up-and-coming pretty young thing out of New York.
Johnny: Well, sounds like your kind of people.
Moira: Yes! You come up with some real money, you can attract the best. Well, zbogom, John! That's goodbye in the mother tongue!
Johnny: Okay, well, I'll sign off too, sweetheart. Lots to do, but wishing you an exciting [call beeps off] Okay, yep. Miss you, too.
Stevie: She already hung up.
Alexis: Oh! Burn, Dad!

Alexis: I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay between you and Patrick.
David: Yeah! Why? Why? What did what did he say to you?
Alexis: No, nothing. I just got scared when I saw your score on this relationship quiz.
David: Oh, my God!
Alexis: Because according to M'Lady Magazine, "How Electric is your Relationship" quiz from summer 1991, you and Patrick are "In Need of a Generator!" Poor thing!
David: Okay, first of all, it's Major Lady Magazine, and second of all, that quiz is garbage.