Moira: Johnathan, have we found ourselves a new friend?
Johnny: Hmm.
Officer Cornwall: Hello ma'am, I'm Officer Cornwall. I was off duty when I came across this man in a state of undress, down by the creek. He claims to be your husband?
Moira: Last I checked, a decades-long successful marriage is not a criminal offense.
Officer Cornwall: No, no it is not. However, indecent exposure certainly is. I found your husband sunning himself in the creek, like he was in some Grecian bath.
Johnny: No, I don't think we need to editorialize.
Moira: John, I'm so sorry, I was engrossed in a very stirring phone call. Officer, perhaps we could arrange a plea bargain?
Officer Cornwall: Well, since I wasn't supposed to be fly fishing at this end of the creek, uh... I think we can leave it at a warning.
Moira: Oh, thank you, Officer, for your almost militant commitment to the protection of our community. I promise to keep my husband habilimented from now on.

Alexis: So, I just talked to Ted. He's devastated, obviously, but he did say that it's probably for the best because he still hasn't lizard-proofed his place and I have absolutely no desire to be there until that happens.

Alexis: Okay, does nobody care that I'm going to be gone for six months?
Johnny: Yes, of course we care, Honey. Don't we, Moira?
Moira: Take me with you.

Patrick: Wow. This place looks nice.
David: Yeah, it's the only venue for miles that doesn't look like a crime scene from a missing person docu-series.

Stevie: Uh, so no one thought to tell me I still have my show makeup on?
David: I thought that was a choice.
Alexis: Yeah, I left Stevie double-fisting drinks in a hot tub at the cabaret wrap party last night.
Patrick: I think I saw you triple-fisting at one point.

Clive: Ah, welcome to Elmbridge Manor, and you must be the happy couple.
Patrick: Oh no, not quite.
Stevie: God, no.
Clive: Oh, ladies, I'm so sorry. Congratulations. Champagne?
Alexis: Oh, thank you so much.
Stevie: Thank you.
David: Mm-hmm, hi. [laughs] David Rose. I'm the one getting married and this is my partner, Patrick. So.
Clive: Gentlemen, please forgive me. I looked at your friend's face and thought someone had just come from her make up trial.

David: It's perfect.
Patrick: David, I know you've made me relinquish most, if not all of the wedding planning to you at this point, but for what it's worth, this place is beautiful.

Roland: Okay, I'm gonna go to lunch. Gotta get this burnt toaster pop taste out of my mouth. Excuse me.

Alexis: Okay, smiles over here please. Ted wants to know what we're doing. Okay, like, a little less eager and maybe one without Stevie. No offense.

Clive: Okay, this is our pricing guide. Starting with our gold, silver, and bronze packages. But, as you'll see, we can really accommodate almost any request.
Stevie: Are these in dollars?