Roland: Okay, all right, all right, okay. Up, up. There we go. Jeez, Moira, I wait 'til at least 10:30 before I have my first beer.
Moira: Oh, my legs are in slumber. Carry me.
Roland: Oh I can't... Oh jeez, okay. Hang on. You know, Moira, if Johnny locked you in that closet, we're going to have to call the police.

Roland: It's a hell of a story, Johnny. So I'm next door, I'm cleaning the bathroom and I want a snack. So I grab some of those jail time toaster pops and I put them in the toaster, and suddenly there's a fire.
Johnny: Oh, Roland.
Roland: Why do they call them toaster pops if it says on the box, "Do not toast"?

Johnny: Moira. I'm just glad you're okay. And first thing in the morning, I'm going in and I'm fixing these latches.
Moira: No need, John. I have been gifted a smoke signal and you will never again find me back in the closet.
Johnny: Well, why don't we take this one step at a time?
Moira: This may come as a shock to you, dear, but... I don't believe my career has been that kind to me.
Johnny: What?
Moira: I all but perished in the name of an unrequited love for an industry that has burned me over and over again.
Johnny: It's been difficult watching you go through this, Moira.
Moira: I know you'll want to fight me tooth and nail, John. It's time my career took its final bow.

Johnny: Now, if, if... if that's... what you want, Moira, just know that I'm here if you need me for anything.
Moira: Oh, I have never needed less. Shall we take lunch outside today?
Johnny: What a great idea.
Moira: Lay a blanket somewhere!
Johnny: If you're feeling up for it, I mean I, I, I know you're still a bit shaken.
Moira: That's just it, John, I have never felt more lucid.
Johnny: I'll fix a basket.
Moira: And I am including that Peruvian ayahuasca retreat we embarked upon with Al and Tipper.
Johnny: Okay.

Clive: Yes, but the only problem is: it's a month from today.
David: This is basically free!
Patrick: David, that's not enough time. We need to give people notice.
David: Uh, I planned my ex girlfriend's intervention in less than an hour. Plus, it'll weed out all the dead weight.

Stevie: Um, this might be a stupid question, but... why are you wearing high heels on an airplane?
Alexis: Oh, I'm not wearing them on the plane, they hand out slippers with the mimosas.
Stevie: When was the last time you flew economy?
Alexis: Hmm?

Johnny: Hard to believe this is our first trip down to the creek. You know, Moira, after the week we've had, this is the perfect way to end it.
Moira: To think I nearly made you a widower. Oh, John, I can just see you aimlessly wandering through life. Stoic but stymied, not a friend in the world and so very lost.

Stevie: What's going on over there?
Alexis: I'm trying to check in! If we're going to be late, I'm going to at least do everything I can to not miss my flight, because I have never needed a vacation more.
Stevie: Yeah, this? I think this is what might be bothering your brother.
Alexis: Okay, I get it, my life is an inconvenience.
Stevie: That. Um, or the fact that you've been talking nonstop about how desperate you are to get out of here? I think it might be hurting his feelings.
Alexis: Okay. I'm moving to a place that doesn't have a Sephora for literally 2700 miles, so I'm sorry if I'm trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing.

Stevie: Can I see your phone? Okay. Um, think I've found the problem... your flight's not leaving for another month.
Alexis: What?! Give me that! No, it says right here, 0-7-0-8.
Stevie: Yeah, but it's day before month, so you're not leaving on July 8th, you're leaving on August 7th.
Alexis: What? Ugh, and my stupid ticket doesn't allow for any changes. Ugh! What am I supposed to do?
Stevie: Well, maybe you could start by telling David that you messed up and he can book the venue after all!
Alexis: Okay, I would literally rather sleep at the airport for a month.

Moira: [on the phone] Can you hear me now? No, I'm not blocking the microphone with my finger anymore! Okay, no I was. Now... yes? Oh, well, what would the back end look like on a deal like that? Oh, I see, what an emphatically kismetic turn of events. Oh, John's here now. Okay, talk soon. Kisses!