Alexis: Ugh, how did I fall for this? Cults prey on sad, weak, vulnerable people.
Jocelyn: I'll try not to take that personally.
Alexis: I've just been so desperate to like throw myself into work, and I clearly missed all the signs and now I've like endangered all of us.

Herb Ertlinger: So, it was this one?
David: Um, let me just triple check. [gags] No. [laughs] No, it's not.
Moira: [slurring] Did it oxidize? Is that why we can't recognize the tastes?
Herb Ertlinger: Okay, if neither of you can remember which one it was, maybe we just, we just call this off. The wife and I had reservations at the Elmdale Inn an hour ago.
Moira: It was strawberry-radish.
Herb Ertlinger: We don't do anything with radishes.
David: Ooh, maybe you should. That sounds refreshing.
Herb Ertlinger: We're not making a new wine!
Moira: [schocked gasp] There's no need to raise your voices, Herbert.
David: Okay, speaking of Herbert, is it Herbert or Erbert? Like when people say Herb or Erb?

David: How was your class, Alexis?
Alexis: Um, it was a big success. Thank you for asking. Everyone had a great time and the clients were like super impressed.
David: Oh, that's good. I wonder if that means they'll give you priority boarding when you enter the gateway?
Alexis: Oh my God, Stevie did this, didn't she?
David: Now, do the step machines actually lift off the ground, or are the step machines just there to help you practice for when you walk onto the spaceship?
Patrick: Come on, David, she didn't know.
Alexis: Thank you!
Patrick: But now that you do, does it just make the journey to the gateway that much more meaningful?
Alexis: Okay, you know what? Honestly, this whole situation is starting to gross me out. It's like I'm sharing a room with my twin brothers who kiss.
David: Mm! [David and Patrick kiss]

Johnny: You know, spending a little extra time together is not such a bad idea since we're losing Alexis soon to the gateway.
Alexis: Oh my God-duh!
Johnny: A simple mistake, honey.

Moira: So, David, I take it you'll be employed as cheerleader for whatever televised sporting event is unfolding for the remainder of the day?
David: Alas, this is Patrick's day. We're doing what Patrick wants.

Alexis: As Elevation's official regional brand ambassador and regional marketing invigorator, I need to ask you guys: are you ready for a total physical and emotional transformation?
Ronnie: Nah, but I'll do your class.

Stevie: I found a stain on my pants. Are we sure that they clean these?

Alexis: Okay, ladies, are we ready to elevate?
Ronnie: Nah.
Stevie: What if I just wait in the car until you're ready for lunch? 'Cause I'm just getting a really weird vibe from this place.
Alexis: Stevie, we've talked about this. You are a businesswoman now and part of that means that you need to be like physically and mentally sharp. And also, I get paid for everyone that signs up, so mm, mm, mm.

Roland: Hey, Johnny. Listen, I don't wanna creep you out or anything, but I was just peering into your son's bedroom...
Johnny: Okay, not off to a good start, Roland.

Roland: Well, do you know that Patrick's sitting in there all by himself?
Johnny: Uh, yes, I'm aware. He's spending the night with us. Patrick is practically family now.
Roland: Ah. Have you told him that?
Johnny: Well, no, I haven't told him. I mean, I haven't exactly said it out loud.
Roland: Yeah... I don't know, Johnny. Not having the big father/ son-in-law chat feels like a missed opportunity to lay down some laws. Maybe Patrick should get "the talk" from old Uncle Roland.
Johnny: 'Kay, nobody's having a talk with Uncle Roland.