Alexis: It's so weird, I don't even remember posing for this.
Moira: Because you didn't. You were in rehab when we sat for this.
Alexis: I wasn't in rehab, I was at rehab visiting Stavros.
Johnny: Oh, that's right. We had your face painted on the body of my assistant.
David: Hm. That's why you look so good.
Alexis: [fake chuckle]

Moira: I can't tell if this room is just very, very small, or if the portrait is very, very big.
Johnny: Well, I think it's quite possible both are true.

Moira: Do you think the Van Housens had it enlarged?
Johnny: No, Th- this is the actual size. Remember, Reiner wanted to paint it twice as big.
Moira: Oh, look at it, John.
Johnny: Well, don't worry, we'll we'll find a place for it. Ah, you know, we can take things off a wall, or, um, rearrange some furniture. Maybe move some wigs.
Moira: Oh, John, I know how nostalgic you still get for the old days, and I just wanted to do something thoughtful for you.
Johnny: Oh, Moira, this portrait is a wonderful reminder of your generous spirit and the enormous strength of this family.
Moira: Aw.

Ted: Hey, did Mrs. Syzlak call? She's late for her appointment.
Alexis: Um, yeah. She cancelled. She said that her cat is better.
Ted: She doesn't have a cat.
Alexis: Okay. Sorry, who am I thinking of? Um, somebody isn't coming in today and someone's cat is better. Oh, and someone's something may be worse...

David: Actually, I wanted you to be the first to know that Patrick and I will be launching the store this Friday.
Moira: Ooh!
Johnny: Oh, great news. A grand opening.
David: Hmm. We've doing more of a soft launch.
Moira: I don't like the sound of that.
David: Why? It's actually a very effective business strategy. And it's always better to go under.
Moira: Go under?
David: No.
Moira: David, if the business is foundering it's best to tell us now.

Alexis: Here's something, speaking of friend stuff, um, David is doing this friends and family discount for his store opening. And I know that you love discounts, so, I was thinking that maybe we could go...
Ted: Yeah. That sounds, yeah.
Alexis: As friends. I would go as family, and you would go as friends of the family.
Ted: Well, I do love discounts. In fact, they had to delete Groupon from my phone last week, just 'cause three vacuums is enough vacuums.

Stevie: Oh, my God.
Johnny: Isn't it something? I always felt something was missing in here and then it occurred to me that a lot of family-run businesses hang a portrait of the family in the workplace.
Stevie: Oh. Well, that reminds me, I've been meaning to have my family portrait airlifted in...

Johnny: Well, I know it's a little arresting at first, but I think with time you won't even know it's here.
Stevie: Mm. I don't think that's gonna happen. You don't look very happy in this.
Johnny: Well, it wasn't the style to look happy. The motivation was to look successful. You know, this used to hang in the great hall of our house.
Stevie: Oh, now this seems a little understated for a great hall.
Johnny: I'd look at it every morning. The family often wasn't all together back then, but, uh, I could look at this and there we were.

Bob: David, just the guy I wanted to see. Listen, uh, Gwen wanted me to ask you, er, if if we both have plus-ones for the opening, or do we have to be each other's plus-ones?
David: Who's Gwen?
Bob: [laughs] That's very funny.
Twyla: Oh, my mother's boyfriend wanted to bring his secretary.
David: He did? Why not. Um, I'm gonna go. But I'm really glad that someone told you. Um, and Bob, and Gwen.

David: Uh, how many people did you tell about Friday?
Patrick: Just the names on my pre-approved list. Why?
David: Uh, because I have been approached by a lot of people who are not on the pre-approved list.
Patrick: Well, you know, sometimes when you tell everyone that it's exclusive, then everybody just wants in. Like how many people are we talking about?
David: Uh, I don't know. Twyla's whole family. So, like, 75?