Andy: You can't run, Hitler. 82nd airborne is everywhere! [to camera] History Channel. Ho ho ho! What is this? A child spy, sent to steal the necklace? Burt Macklin, FBI! Freeze!
Joey: I didn't do anything!
April: Yeah, bad call, Burt.
Andy: Oh. Oh, hey, I'm just kidding, buddy. I'm just playing around. My name's really Andy Dwyer. I'm a security guard. What's your name?
Joey: Joey. I was with my mom, and I got lost.
Andy: Oh. Well, gosh, don't worry about that. I've gotten lost here about 500 times, and I work here. What do you say we go find your mom, huh? [opens closet door] She's not in there. I'll bet. Let's try this way.

Katherine: Hello? Ms. Knope, Mr. Wyatt? We're from Wreston St. James' firm.
Leslie Knope: Oh, hey, come on in. Where's Wreston?
Stephan: He's on his way. He wanted us to get started.
Ben: Aw! Oh, well. Okay, I guess go ahead.
Katherine: We present the Crown Jewel of Pawnee containing the sights, sounds, and most importantly, smells that define your city.
Stephan: There are several drool buckets for your more... slack-jawed citizens. We also have food troughs full of cheeseburgers and public showers with instructions for those who've never showered before.
Leslie Knope: You have five seconds to get out of here... Or I will rip your throats out.
Ben: Out. Now.
Katherine: Oh, hey, my backyard is bigger than your park. [both laughing]
Ben: Leslie, stay back, stay back.

Leslie Knope: I told you that Eagletonians are awful, terrible people. They call their boogers Pawnee caviar.
Ben: I'm on your side, and I'm furious too. But this just doesn't make sense to me. I'm gonna talk to Wreston, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
Leslie Knope: Any excuse to talk to Wreston. Well, I am gonna think about a revenge plan. I know what we're gonna do. We're gonna find out where he lives. We're gonna drive to his house. We're gonna set it on fire and watch it burn.
Ben: Leslie, we can't do that.
Leslie Knope: You're right. We can't. [knowing look]

April: All right, so... Does this look familiar?
Andy: No, not at all.
April: I was talking to Joey.
Peggy: Joey!
Joey: Mommy!
Producer: There you are.
Peggy: Oh, God, I was so worried. Thank you so much. You'll never know how much I appreciate it.
Andy: Well, just doing my job, ma'am.
Joey: Thank you for saving me, Andy. Thank you, too, miss Hitler.
Peggy: What?
April: Don't worry about it.

April: Wow. You made those losers very happy.
Andy: Oh, no, I didn't. Burt Macklin did.
April: No...
Andy: FBI.
April: Actually, Burt Macklin kinda made that little boy cry.
Andy: Well, he's a rogue agent who refuses to play by the rules.
April: Seriously, I think Andy Dwyer makes a better real cop than Burt Macklin. Maybe it's time for Burt Macklin to hang up his shades.

Georges: Can I get you something to drink?
Ben: Iced tea, please. And can I ask you, how are there palm trees here?
Georges: Well, Eagleton lies on top of a hot spring which creates a micro-climate zone. We are... [chuckles] truly blessed.

Ben: What the hell happened, man?
Wreston St. James: I had nothing to do with that stupid prank. In fact, that's why I'm late. I was firing the two people who were responsible, and I was escorting them out of the building.
Ben: Well...Good! Full disclosure: Certain people in the firm wanted to promote them, but I insisted they be fired.
Ben: If you swear to me that you're serious, maybe we can salvage this.
Wreston St. James: I would really love to. But what about Leslie? I just doubt that she can ever get over the bad blood between our towns.
Ben: I think you're wrong. Leslie is a very forgiving person.
[Leslie runs in and sprays whipped cream on Wreston's head]
Leslie Knope: Revenge! Ha ha hal This is for Pawnee, you butt-faced pompous jerk! Whoo! I love you, Ben. Pawnee forever! You want a stupid tie? I'll give you a stupid tie. Ha ha! Wreston, suck it. Now we're even.
Ben: Leslie. He didn't do it, and he fired the people who did.
[Leslie drops her cans of whipped cream and runs away]

April: I'm sorry to see you go, Macklin. You didn't always play by the rules, but damn it, you were a hell of an agent.
Andy: Today I say good-bye to the only life I've ever known.
April: Well, some of the boys chipped in and we got you... This. [a piece of paper which reads "You were in the F.B.I."] It isn't much, but it's something to remember us by.
Andy: 40 years undercover. I never even met my family.
April: What?
Andy: And this is all I have to show for it? Totally worth it.
April: It's been a pleasure serving with you, son.
Andy: If you ever need me, you know where to find me. In bed next to you, probably having sex with you.
[April uses a phone app to give a 21-gun salute]