Tom: What the hell are you doing? How could you invite Wendy when Ron's here? He's gonna wrap her up in his mustache and take her home.

Leslie Knope: This is something, Justin. Derek and Ben are gay, but often, on occasion, April will have relations with Derek. Right? Crazy stuff. Discuss that.
April: There's not much more to discuss. You kind of explained it all.
Leslie Knope: Who else is gay?

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] It's weird, but she just showed up. I mean, I'm not the kind of person that's gonna throw someone out, or, you know, not let them in if they randomly show up. I don't know how they all got here. You know, people hear about a killer party at Knope's house, they all come running.

Ann: You turned yourself in? Why?
Leslie Knope: Well, I did something wrong, and I felt bad. So, this morning I donated $1,000 to the rec center, so everybody could keep teaching their classes.
Ann: Okay, so why did you ask for the hearing?
Leslie Knope: Are you kidding, Ann? It's every girl's dream to ask a dude how their date went under penalty of perjury.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I'm not proud of my actions. But the most important thing is, there is now an official government document that proves my dinner party kicked ass.

Mark: [aside to camera] I can't wait to talk to Justin again. Last time he told me about how he snorkeled with whale sharks in Madagascar. That was after I told him that I sometimes go swimming at the Y.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I am on a date with Justin in Indianapolis. We've only been out a few times, but every one of them has been amazing. Last time, we had a private tour and cocktails at the Indianapolis Aquarium.
[flashback:]
Leslie Knope: That fish over there kind of reminds me of my mom.
Justin: Why?
Leslie: It's just being really withholding.

Justin: You've got to try this.
Leslie Knope: Oh, that's really good.
Justin: Isn't it great? It's camel stomach.
Leslie Knope: Is it?
Justin: I'm teasing, I'm teasing. It's chicken.
Waiter: Would you like to try the camel stomach?
Leslie Knope: No.

Leslie Knope: I've racked my brain and I can't come up with one exciting idea. I mean, he once ate fried cockatoo with a member of the Thai Royal Family.
Ann: Well, maybe just have him over and cook him some chicken and tell him it's Pawnee cockatoo.
Leslie Knope: A dinner party! That's genius. I'll invite all my most interesting friends over, we'll have this big rambling party.
Ann: No, I actually meant more like a one-on-one thing.
Leslie Knope: I know what you meant, but I took your idea and I made it better. It's called a think tank, Ann.
Ann: What is?
Leslie Knope: Our lunches. Our lunches are like think tanks.

Leslie Knope: Oh, hey, Tom! I'm having an A-list dinner party for Justin. And you, out of all my friends, come from the most distant and exotic land.
Tom: South Carolina?
Leslie Knope: [laughs] Save it for the party. Can you make it?
Tom: For Justin? Are you kidding? I'm there. Just don't invite any boring people like Jerry.
Jerry: What are you guys talking about?
Leslie Knope: Nothing.
Tom: Don't worry about it.
Leslie Knope: What?

Leslie Knope: Okay, listen. I'm having a party. And I thought maybe you could help me with serving and taking people's coats. I'd pay you, like, 10 bucks an hour.
Andy: My guardian angel! I would love to! Who's going to be there?
Leslie Knope: Really fun people. Ron, Tom, Mark and Ann.
Andy: [clears throat] That's great. What's the occasion?
Leslie Knope: Justin is coming into town.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Hey, it's me, Justin. Take my coat. But please, be careful. I got it from the king of Africa when we were walking on the Berlin Wall together. Really, Justin? What instruments do you play? Actually, he's a pretty sick keyboardist.