Chris: Good job. You should hydrate.

Donna: When we canceled on him, he took another gig in Eagleton. [all groan] At a library. [all gasp]
Tom: Ohh! That's literally the worst place I could imagine.

Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, we're not giving up on this. He's not the only musician in town. Andy.
Andy: [sighs] I don't know, Leslie. I don't really feel like playing right now.
Leslie Knope: Andy, please. Please, please, please.
Andy: I don't even have children's songs. My last song I wrote was called Sex Hair.
Leslie Knope: Well, just take the word sex and change it to pickle.
Andy: Pickle? [sings] You've got pickle hair, baby-hey And you got it from me
Tom: Still sounds like it's about sex.

Ann: You have two broken bones in your right arm, and four in your hand.
Andy: That's the side that hurts.

Leslie Knope: Hello, Pawnee. I'm... Renata Ricotta. Freddy Spaghetti couldn't make it today. He bumped his noodle. [kids laugh] There was sauce everywhere. It was just streaming out of his face. It was really scary. All right. [sings] If you're happy and you know it Clap your hands If you're happy and you know it...
Freddy Spaghetti: clap your hands Ha ha ha ha! [cheers and applause] Hey, kids, it's me, Freddy Spaghetti!
Leslie Knope: Hey, I thought you were playing Eagleton.
Freddy Spaghetti: All I know is this guy showed up [points to Ben], made me a much better offer. I am all about the money, baby.

Ann: I brought you your favorite. Every color of jell-o.
Andy: Oh ho ha ho ho! The jell-o rainbow. Thank you.
Ann: Is something wrong?
Andy: Well, you know how you're already having a bad day and then you break all the ones in your arm because you crashed your motorcylce?
Ann: Dude, that's what my whole week has been like. My whole life is like a motorcycle crash right now. Oh, injured Andy. It's kind of like old times, huh?
Andy: [chuckles] Yeah.
Ann: I almost expect you to call me A-Cakes. [both laugh]
Andy: "A-Cakes."
Ann: Well, I'm glad you're okay. [kisses Andy] Oh, my God, I'm... Oh. I'm so sorry. Ohh! I should not-- I--I'm sorry. That was... Not...

Leslie Knope: Why did you do this?
Ben: Well, I'm not a monster. I want the kids to have their concert.
Leslie Knope: Ah, mean Ben has a soft spot.
Ben: Is that what you guys call me? "Mean Ben"? No, no, no. Look, this is really great today. But... There's gonna be a lot of pain ahead, Leslie. We have to cut 32% of the-
Leslie Knope: Can you just stop it? Okay? Just for one moment, enjoy the fact that you provided a service for people, not a cut. A service. And they love it.
Ben: Biggest service was getting you to stop singing.

April: Listen, what I said this afternoon was... Stupid. Okay? I totally want to go out with you.
Andy: Good. I want to be with you. [they kiss]
April: Ah. That was nice.
Andy: That--yeah. [both chuckle] Here's just one thing, real quick. I want to be totally honest with you, because I like you so much. But, like, two minutes ago, me and Ann did kiss.
April: What?
Andy: But here's- No, no, no. Uh, it was crazy. She kissed me.
April: Okay, bye.
Andy: Wait, where are you going?
April: Bye.
Andy: No, no, no, no, no. Hey. April. April!
April: Bye.
Andy: [to middle-aged nurse] Dude, don't even think about kissing me.

Mark: Well, I have something for you too.
Leslie Knope: You do?
Mark: I, um... Sort of threw together some plans for a future park. I couldn't fit everything in that you wanted, like the roller coaster or the shark tank, but I think it's a pretty good start.
Leslie Knope: Thank you.
Mark: You're really welcome.
Leslie Knope: But, you know, Pawnee's bankrupt. I doubt I'll get to build a park anytime soon.
Mark: I wouldn't bet against you. [Mark kisses Leslie on the cheek] See you around.

Leslie Knope: Morning.
Ben: Hi. What are you doing here?
Leslie Knope: Ron made me the official Parks and Rec representative for the budget discussions.
Ben: That's only supposed to be--
Leslie Knope: Essential personnel? [flashes badge]
Ben: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. So shall we get started? I have so many ideas.