‘Emergency Response’
Season 5, Episode 13 - Aired February 14, 2013
Leslie and Ben's plans to hold a gala dinner to raise money for the park are disrupted by an emergency preparedness drill. Meanwhile, Andy takes his police exam, and Ron goes on TV and finds himself filling in for a drunk Joan Callamezzo.
Quote from Ben
Ben: Also, I told the firemen they should use the lot as triage and then gave them and all the dead and wounded two free drink tickets.
Leslie Knope: Wow. This is great. Thank you so much. Let's start the gala. Oh, and thanks for dressing up, Jerry.
Quote from Chris
Chris: Hello, Chief Fugleberg.
Chief Fugleberg: Hey. That's your buddy Andy Dwyer over there, isn't it? Such a shame.
Chris: Oh, no. Did he fail his test?
Chief Fugleberg: It's weird. He got 100% on his written test - first guy in history to do it - but he failed his personality examination. He's a sweet kid, just doesn't have what it takes to be a cop.
Chris: Oh, Andy.
Chief Fugleberg: Too bad. He's certainly something of a genius. We could use his brains on the force.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Official police wrist lock. You can't hit me. Try to hit me. [April hits Andy] Or here, no, try-- it's this hand. Wrist lock. Boom, too much pain, you can't even hit me. Try to hit me. [April hits Andy] If I had my gun, you wouldn't try to hit me, though, is the thing.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: Uh, if I could have everyone's attention please? I am so happy to announce that as of one minute ago, we have reached our fund-raising goal. [cheers and applause] Every dollar spent here tonight by you, the community, will be poured right back into this wonderful project. And speaking of community, I'd like to thank my community, my friends. It's a lesson that I have learned over and over again, but it bears repeating. No one achieves anything alone.
Quote from Andy
Leslie Knope: Without further ado, the best band in Pawnee: Mouse Rat. [cheers and applause]
Andy: [sings] Park We will build it, the park It's not built yet, the park Soon there will be a park.
Quote from Ann
Ann: I thought you should see why Leslie tanked the drill. Councilman Jamm used you as a stalling tactic, hoping it would kill Leslie's park project. If the test were any other day, Leslie would have aced it.
Leonard Tchulm: I believe you. Maybe I'll find my way back here in a month for a re-do.
Ann: I appreciate it. Have you ever thought of being a sperm donor?
Leonard Tchulm: I'm impotent.
Ann: Yeah, I don't need to know that.