Ann: Andy? I know you're in there because I can see you through the screen.
Andy: Ann! Hey! What's up? What are you doing?
Ann: Do you live down here?
Andy: What? What? Yes.
Ann: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you live down here. Oh, my God. I can't believe this is happening! What? I can't be at my house and see my ex-boyfriend living in a hole in my backyard like a gopher. That's so weird, Andy.

Andy: Listen, I have been trying really hard not to bother you. Like, when you had that barbecue last week, I didn't come up, even though it smelled so good.
Ann: You've been here a whole week?
Andy: Yes. One week only.

Ann: Oh, I guess... I guess that's the office you were telling me about that you go to work to every day. Excellent.
Andy: Listen. Are we gonna talk about anything other than the lies that I told you?
Ann: I can't do this right now. I have a guy fixing my bathroom. I got to go.
Andy: Yeah, that's cool. I got to zoom out, too, 'cause I have some people coming over. So, why don't you call first next time? You know the way out.

Host: All right, it's time now for the dreaded Q&A. And the first question goes to Tom Haverford.
Tom: Yes, I have a question for the hot one. [Trish steps forward] First off, I just want to say I'm a little bit surprised, because I didn't think angels could fly so low.
Trish: Thank you.
Tom: You truly are a beautiful, beautiful woman.
Trish: You're so funny.
Tom: You're funny. You're funny.
Host: Do you have a question, Tom?

Leslie Knope: Okay, I actually have a real question, if you don't mind, Tom. Trish, Alexis de Tocqueville called America "The Great Experiment." What can we do as citizens to improve on that experiment?
Trish: Well, uh, I think that America is the land of the free, which is a wonderful thing, and also the brave, where people can live, and no one can ever take that away from you and it never gives up. But the high birthing rate of immigrants frightens me. No offense to anyone out there, but if it were up to me and my family, I would actually call it "Our-merica," and not "Their-merica." Thank you. [applause]
Leslie Knope: Don't applaud that. No, she didn't... She didn't answer my question.

Ann: I'm sorry, you don't think it's weird that my ex-boyfriend lives in a tent in the pit outside my house?
Mark: It's not ideal. Maybe you should try to relax. Maybe take one of those Ativans I saw in the medicine cabinet.
Ann: Dude!
Mark: Yeah, I peeked. I also didn't see any toothpaste. Do you not use toothpaste?

Ann: I mean, I always knew he was lazy, but this is, like, a new low for him.
Mark: I feel like we should invite him inside.
Ann: Have you not been listening to anything I just said?
Mark: I don't know, it's just... It's raining outside, and he's living in a pit, you know?

Jessica Wicks: Look, I am the only one here who has entered and won this contest in the past. And I think Trish is a no-brainer.
Leslie Knope: Jessica, may I ask, what was your talent?
Jessica Wicks: Oh, I packed a suitcase.
Ray Holstead: I have to say, Leslie does make a good point. Trish is not the brightest bulb in the bunch.
Leslie Knope: Yes, Ray. Good, I like what you're saying. Let's keep talking.

Leslie Knope: Okay, so, it's still 3-2 for Trish. Guys, all I ask is that you look into your hearts, and think, really think, about what you've seen and ask yourselves, "Who is the most impressive woman here tonight?"
[cut to:]
Host: It's the hot one. Trish lanetta! [applause]

Leslie Knope: Excuse me, everyone. Why don't we just take a moment to give a round of applause to all the contestants this evening? Yes. Especially Susan. This isn't the first time that Susans have lost to Trishes, and it won't be the last. Susan and I will continue on until the women of Pawnee are judged not by the flatness of their tummies, but by the contents of their brains. And, Trish, I may not have voted for you, but now is the time for us to come together. I hope you honor this crown with dignity, and a devotion to all...
Trish: Whoo!
Trish, Jessica and Susan: One, two, three! [drink shots]