Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] No, Susan isn't a perfect 10. But in my mind, Susan is the perfect Miss Pawnee. Her values are strong, her commitment to her job is very admirable, she has a real sense of... [the camera pans over to Trish, who is bending over to pick something up] Hey, hey! Over here.

Tom: So, how long do we have to pretend to deliberate until we go back out there? [laughter]
Leslie Knope: What do you mean?
Tom: We're all in agreement. The hot one, by a landslide.
Leslie Knope: Well, her name is Trish. And I don't think we should rush this, you know?
Jessica Wicks: What is there to talk about? I mean, I thought Trish was just adorable.
Leslie Knope: Well, take Susan, for example. I think...
Tom: Susan Boring Stories? No. It's Trish. Let's go back out there.
Leslie Knope: Okay, hold on, everyone. Hold on. Everyone, wait, wait, wait. Look, whoever we choose is going to represent the ideal woman for a year. She'll be someone that little girls in South Central Indiana look up to. Now, nobody leaves this room until we discuss all of it. Okay? Consider yourselves sequestered.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I'm a judge, so I don't want to sound partial. But Trish will win this pageant over my dead body.

Tom: If you guys like grilling, you want to come over and use my grill... Look, let me do you a favor. Take a key. Just come by, grill up whatever you want.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: This is one of my favorite pick-up strategies. I'm constantly giving one of my keys.
[back:]
Trish: This is your house key?
Tom: Yeah. I just happened to have a spare. Just come by, go for a dip, whenever you want.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: So far, none of them have shown up.
[flashback:]
Ann: That's a very appealing offer, thank you.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Matter of time.
[flashback:]
Tom: Hey, Craig.
Craig: Hey, Tommy.
Tom: Fifty more copies, please.
Craig: You got it.
Tom: I have been robbed twice.

Mark: Hey.
Ann: Hey. Weird question for you. Are you handy? Like, can you fix things?
Mark: Well, what's broken?
Ann: My shower. It's leaky, low pressure, just all around terrible.
Mark: Easy. You want me to come over after work?
Ann: Yes. Yes. Amazing. I will cook you a cheap, quick dinner that will be no trouble at all for me.
Mark: Great. Well, I'll see you tonight, for the weirdest second date ever.
Ann: Okay.

April: How's it going in here?
Mark: Good. I hooked your toilet up to your shower. That's what you wanted, right?
April: Yes.
Mark: Excellent.

April: So, are you gonna vote for me, sister?
Leslie Knope: April, it's unethical for me to show you favoritism. You and I are like family.
April: The coffee is $7.
Leslie Knope: Yes. Right. Of course.

Leslie Knope: Hello, fellow judges. I am Judge Leslie Knope and this is my colleague, Tom Haverford. He's also gonna be a judge.
Jessica Wicks: Hi. Jessica Wicks, Miss Pawnee 1994.
Tom: I recognized you right away. And may I say that you look even more beautiful now than you did when you won the crown.
Jessica Wicks: Ooh, I like you!

Leslie Knope: Well, Tom and I are very happy to be here. And I'm sure between the five of us, we will choose the most well-rounded, intelligent, modern and forward-thinking woman to represent our fine town. Right, Tom? Tom?
Tom: [to a group of candidates] You don't believe me? Watch. 34 C, 36 B, 34 B, 34 D. 32 A? How'd you get in here? I'm just kidding. You're perfect, each and every one of you. God bless.

Host: Here they are, your candidates for Miss Pawnee. Well, let's meet the girls, shall we? First up, please welcome April Ludgate.
April: Hello, I'm April Ludgate. I'm 20 years old. I like people, places and things! And Pawnee is my favorite place in the world!

Host: Next up, please welcome Susan Gleever.
Susan: Hi, everyone. I'm Susan. I'm a history major at Indiana State, I play classical piano, and I volunteer at the Children's Hospital.
Host: Thank you, Susan.
Leslie Knope: She's good.
Host: Next, Trish lanetta.
Trish: Hi, y'all. I'm Trish. I'm 22 years old, I've been on YouTube. I just... I love to hang out with my friends, I love to laugh, I love the summertime and going to the beach, and I love wearing bikinis at the beach with everyone there. I just want everyone...
Leslie Knope: Well, you know, they can't all be winners.
Trish: Are y'all having a good time?
Tom: Looks like we got a frontrunner, guys!