Schmidt: And, by the way, stay out of my way in there. I'm about to blow the roof off of this thing with a little something I like to call the "Seven S's."
Nick: I bet you don't have any more than four.
Schmidt: Yeah? Watch me.
Nick: Go ahead.
Schmidt: Strategy, sizzle, Schmidt, sex...
Nick: Go on.
Schmidt: Stop interrupting me. I got... I got more. Salesmanship. Something. Synergy. Boom. Nailed it.
Nick: Damn it.
Schmidt: That's seven... How you like me now?

Professor Dust: Excuse me, can I help you?
Cece: No, no, we're okay, sorry. We're okay, we're...
Coach: Yes, can you please, um, tell my investment here that she can't make any money with art history.
Professor Dust: That's not true. Last year I made almost $22,000, and my life is very hard.
Coach: You see that? You should be studying to become a doctor. They make good money, they get respect. Paging Dr. Cece.
Winston: A doctor? We wouldn't see a penny for at least 12 years. Here's what you should be focused on, okay? Something with a low risk, high reward, and that thing...
Coach: Do not say hotel management.
Winston: Hotel management.
Coach: Oh, my gosh.
Winston: Look, man, it is a secure living and it's great way to meet people.
Professor Dust: Do you mind... telling me where I might find more information on hotel management?

Jess: Sorry. Sorry to interrupt. Gentlemen, your prototype.
Lori Greiner: Wait, what are you wearing?
Jess: This? This is the Swuit! It's a suit made entirely of sweat suit material. It was invented by Nick and Schmidt, and like them, it's the perfect combination. That one over there, he's all creativity and ideas.
Nick: Thoughts and notions.
Jess: And this one's all data and numbers.
Schmidt: Six.
Nick: He can just keep going.
Jess: The Swuit goes from day to night and night to play.
Schmidt: Take my friend Nick here for example. I mean, this is a man who would wear sweatpants to his wedding.
Nick: I now pronounce me comfortable.

Winston: Wow, that is some serious shade. I guess we deserve that.
Cece: Yep.
Coach: Cece, look, I know I got carried away with the whole investing thing. So... I'm sorry.
Schmidt: Ooh, an Afrikaans dictionary.
Coach: Yeah, it was not easy to find. Read the inside cover.
Cece: "Whatever drawings you talk about, always shoot for the stars. Winston and Coach." It's very sweet, guys. Thank you.
Schmidt: That makes zero sense.
Cece: I know, it makes no sense.

Winston: We got to do something.
Coach: Winston, for the first time in my life, I'm not 100% broke, and you want me to give my money away? No, sir. She said she didn't want charity. I ain't giving it to her. [off WIinston's look] Oh, crap. Am I stuck doing another thing with you again? It's a classic Winston and Coach mess-around!
Coach: All right. But don't say that.
Winston: What if I put your name first?
Coach: Let me hear it.
Winston: It's a classic Coach and Winston mess-around.
Coach: Regardless, I don't like it.

Kai: You want to hang out tonight and have ninja turtle sex?
Nick: What's ninja turtle sex?
Kai: Sex with backpacks on.
Nick: Oh, sex with backpacks on! Yes, I would love to, but I can't. I got to do some work, or Schmidt will put me in the "Think Harder" box, which is basically just a refrigerator box that he hits with a baseball bat. Gets me to think harder.

Cece: I need bigger tips. They're raising my college tuition, and if I don't come up with the money by Friday, I got to drop out. So I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Winston: Wow, Cece, look. I mean, we're your friends. If you want, I can give you money.
Coach: [muttering] You can give her money. I ain't giving her a damn thing...
Winston: I think what Coach is trying to say is that he will also give you money.

Kai: Hey, how'd it go? She like the Perfect Pet Pic?
Jess: Even better. She hated the Swuit.
Nick: Yeah, she's got a similar product on QVC called the Scruit. It's a suit made of scrubs. It was developed for prison weddings.
Schmidt: Yeah, paid us $10,000 to kill the Swuit.
Nick: Yeah!

[title: "Schnick Industries, fifteen years ago":]
Younger Nick: You know how a computer is this big. What if a computer was... this big? The size of a man's hand. And had a camera in it, and you can take self pictures, and it also had a phone. So you can store it easily. It's kind of a good idea. [chuckles]
Younger Schmidt: Draw it up by noon.
Younger Nick: Quit bossing me around.
Younger Schmidt: This makes me impatient. And it makes me also so furious.
Younger Nick: I need... 45 minutes away from you. And then we can be best friends again. Don't follow me out.

[title: "Schnick industries, present day":]
Nick: So, as you guys know, Schmidt and I are business partners. We've been working on an idea we're very excited about. We e-mailed our plans to a guy in China, and the prototype is here.
Schmidt: And... we've got a pitch meeting set up with Lori Greiner.
Jess: From QVC?
Nick: That the one.
Schmidt: That's right. You know, Fawn and I were paired with her in a charity golf tournament. You know, they laughed at me for playing the ladies' tees, but it paid off.
Jess: She's a shark.
Winston: Ha! A shark golfing. [whoops] Now I'd buy that T-shirt.