Jess Quote #797
Barry: People think Christmas is gonna be like Love Actually and "God Only Knows" is gonna play over their happy ending, but it won't. Do what I do. Hide out with a pizza and save the big issues for the New Year.
Jess: Oh, God.
Barry: Don't judge me for eating pizza!
Jess: No. My presents are gone.
Barry: What?
Jess: Santa stole my presents. He was a Reverse Santa.
Barry: "Reverse Santa"?
Jess: What am I gonna do now?
Barry: Well, you can't go now.
Jess: You're right. I can't. [sends a text message]
Barry: God, I'm drunk at work.
New Girl Quotes
‘LAXMas’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: You know what they call you where I'm from? A dirty old bitch. Dirty old "biatch." "Biatch," just in general. 'Cause I ain't from Manhattan, sir. I'm from Long Island. 5-1-6, up in your lounge, sucka.
Robert: You better calm down, or you're gonna be kicked out of the...
Schmidt: Good, I don't want to be in this lounge. I don't want to be in any club that you're a part of.
Cece: Okay, am I missing something?
Schmidt: I don't want to be in any lounge or club that you're a part of, sir. You dirty old bitch, for good measure. 'Cause I'm from Long Island, I'll take the railroad... LIRR.
Robert: You're embarrassing yourself.
Schmidt: New York, Long Island. Billy Joel. Cece, let's roll.
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: [grabs champagne glass] Nassau County. Billy Joel, one more time. "Piano Man." "Goodnight Saigon." That's a sad one. Cry about that, you dirty old bitch.
Quote from Winston
Nick: You better learn how to ride a polo horse.
Winston: It's actually a polio horse. Uh, originally they were bred as helper horses for people with polio, but I don't think anything of what I just said was correct, so...
Quote from Nick
Nick: Why we should've taken trains. The sky's too fickle. It's the play place for butterflies.