Schmidt Quote #850

Quote from Schmidt in LAXMas

Schmidt: You know what they call you where I'm from? A dirty old bitch. Dirty old "biatch." "Biatch," just in general. 'Cause I ain't from Manhattan, sir. I'm from Long Island. 5-1-6, up in your lounge, sucka.
Robert: You better calm down, or you're gonna be kicked out of the...
Schmidt: Good, I don't want to be in this lounge. I don't want to be in any club that you're a part of.
Cece: Okay, am I missing something?
Schmidt: I don't want to be in any lounge or club that you're a part of, sir. You dirty old bitch, for good measure. 'Cause I'm from Long Island, I'll take the railroad... LIRR.
Robert: You're embarrassing yourself.
Schmidt: New York, Long Island. Billy Joel. Cece, let's roll.
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: [grabs champagne glass] Nassau County. Billy Joel, one more time. "Piano Man." "Goodnight Saigon." That's a sad one. Cry about that, you dirty old bitch.

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 ‘LAXMas’ Quotes

Quote from Winston

Nick: You better learn how to ride a polo horse.
Winston: It's actually a polio horse. Uh, originally they were bred as helper horses for people with polio, but I don't think anything of what I just said was correct, so...

Quote from Nick

Nick: Why we should've taken trains. The sky's too fickle. It's the play place for butterflies.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Hey, let's wait in the first-class lounge, like the other HBO GO subscribers.
Cece: You're a member?
Schmidt: Cece, I grew up on the mean streets of Long Island, just gazing up at the Manhattan city skyline, thinking, "You know what, one day, I'm gonna get there." That first-class lounge is my Manhattan. "Greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude." Oprah Winfrey.

 Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.

Quote from Hubbedy Bubby

Schmidt: [on the phone] Yes, hello. I'm calling to remind you to vote for a better America and a vote for a better America is a vote for Hubbedy Bubbedy.
Mary Ellen: Hillary Clinton.
Schmidt: That's what I said. Hibiddy Bibbidy.
Mary Ellen: It's Hillary.
Schmidt: Yes, I know.
Mary Ellen: Hillary Clinton!
Schmidt: And I keep saying that. Okay? Hubbedy Barry. Maria Conchita Alonso.
Mary Ellen: What's wrong with you?
Schmidt: Celery Flintstone. [hangs up] I can't do this! Vote for Paul Ryan in 2020! Paul Ryan in 2020! Paul Ryan! Give me that. [grabs another phone] Paul Ryan in 20... 2020, for President of the United States. Paul Ryan in 2020! [grabs another phone] Pau... Paul Ryan in 2020. President of the United States. Paul Ryan in 2020! Paul Ryan! Paul Ryan in 20... [struggling] Get off of me! You smell like a wet campsite.