Schmidt: Why can't you charge Kumiko?
Nick: To be honest, because we had a sexual encounter.
Cece: There we go.
Winston: Shame, shame.
Schmidt: I knew it, Nick! You weren't in the bathroom fixing the shower. You were showing her the business center.
Nick: Okay, in my defense, it wasn't in the shower. It was in the hallway for a few moments.
Schmidt: Don't refer to it as a hallway. Yuck.
Nick: I literally meant the hallway. And it was vibrant, if that's a word you could use in this situation, 'cause that's what it was; it was like...

Nick: I had a... I enjoyed our special time today. I haven't taken my pants off in front of a woman in quite some time. I'm sorry that the pretzel fell out. That was unexpected. I honestly don't know how long it was in my underpants, and that was disturbing to me. Thank you for not overreacting to it. I'm here to talk about money. American currency. Our special time was not included, financially, in the room rate. 'Cause I'm running a business. And I can't be soft here.
Kumiko: I understand. I give you money.
Nick: Thank you for being so cool! That's what-- Yes.
Kumiko: You are prostitute. Working boy.
Nick: No, no. I want sex. You want sex. But need money.
Kumiko: Prostitute.
Nick: Hotel owner.

Winston: I got so much love to give, Cece. I really do, so why am I always on the phone, getting dumped, crying my eyes out like an idiot?
Cece: Well, there must be something that you can do.
Winston: Well, you know, if Jess were here, she would tell me to: [imitating Jess]: "Just believe in yourself, Winston, and, like, be positive."

Cece: Well, forget what Jess would say and forget what I would say. What do you think would really break the cycle?
Winston: I just want, for once in my life, for someone to cry over me.
Cece: Right, okay, explore that.
Winston: Somebody to just cry because of... That's a great idea, Cece!
Cece: It is?
Winston: Yes! This is what I'm gonna do. We're gonna make KC cry over me.
Cece: Oh! Oh, no, no, that's not, that's not where I thought you were going--
Winston: We're gonna make a girl cry today!

Cece: KC, um... I really... wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this, but Winston is dead.
KC: Wait, what?
Cece: Yeah, uh...
KC: Oh, my God! Uh, yeah, he... Oh, my God!
Man: You okay, babe?
KC: No!
Cece: Oh, the...? So you were...? Well, then, um, KC, you should know that Winston's last words, right before the truck...
KC: Oh.
Cece: hit him... were, um, "This is all KC's fault. And I wouldn't be dead if it wasn't for her." [KC wailing]
Winston: Hah! [KC screams] It's me and I'm alive!
Cece: He's alive!
Winston: Scared this dude.
Cece: I know.

Winston: Hey, guy from the picture, if that's your real name, y'all look good together. We out.

Winston: You've changed my life, Cece.
Cece: Uh-huh.
Winston: The cycle is broken! It's a whole new day. From now on, the woman I'm in a relationship with is gonna be crying over me!
Cece: That shouldn't be the goal, though. You know that, right?
Winston: I want some ice cream.
Cece: Never tell anyone we did this.
Winston: Can we get some ice cream?