Jess: Okay, model types, 3:00.
Reagan: Wait, those two oatmeal men?
Jess: Follow my lead.
Reagan: How did we ever date the same dude?

Reagan: What are you doing? Those guys are obviously not model material.
Jess: Because they're not cookie-cutter hot? Cece needs a bunch of different guys, so don't judge a book by its cover.
Reagan: Except when you're talking about models. Models exist to be on covers.
Jess: I think that's an oversimplification. I think the best models have something to give them a little personality. Something, something that makes them stand apart. Like a gap in their lower teeth, or a neck nipple.

Reagan: You know what? You do your thing. I'll do my thing. But your thing cannot be going back to the slug guys.
Jess: Sea slugs, Reagan. They're sea slug guys. But you're right. You're nasty about it, but you're right.

Jess: Let me guess, you guys are pre-gaming before your high school reunion. You were nerds, but you grew up to be super handsome. You were cool but approachable. Maybe you were rollerbladers...

Reagan: I think... sorry... what my friend is trying to say is that it sounds like you have on-camera experience, and if you would like, we can hook you up with a top talent manager who could get you an audition today.
Dean: I do like hooking my thumb into my belt loops, and pulling my pants down...
Jess: Yeah. No. Don't do it now. But it is called "The Cowboy." And I can see it's not your first rodeo.

Reagan: No, don't say it.
Jess: We're a team.
Reagan: No.
Jess: I'm the bait, you're the hook.
Reagan: I don't think the bait usually thinks of the hook as its teammate.
Jess: That's such a hook thing to say. You're such a hook.

Man: Gentlemen, eucalyptus towels?
Schmidt: Thank you.
Nick: Oh, yeah... uh, mine's already wet!
Schmidt: No, no, no, it's for smelling, not drying.
Nick: Oh.
Schmidt: Put it up to your face, smell it.
Nick: Mmm. How could a smell be both hot and cold at the same time, I ask.

Man: If you gentlemen are ready, I can take you to your Brazilians.
Nick: [laughs] Sounds very fun. I'm in a relationship, myself.
Winston: Yeah.
Nick: Uh, but I would love to look. Just point me to the door, please.
Man: Sir. The elite package at S'Pa includes the wax removal of hair from your nether regions.
Winston: What did you say, homeboy?
Man: Scrotum wax.
Nick: No, Schmidt.
Winston: Say something. Say something to him.

Jess: They have a real look.
Reagan: What look would that be? I own my own dog-walking company?
Jess: Branding! You're good. You know what? I believe in them. And we also have no other choice. So let's get them camera-ready.
Reagan: How far away is that camera gonna be?

Reagan: Okay. Well, if I have to go down with the ship, I'm not going down without a fight. And those two are gonna need a lot more than hair gel and V-necks. They're gonna need motorcycle boots, scarves, knit caps, and all the eye makeup that Schmidt's got.