Schmidt: But this is our ritual!
Winston: Schmidt, we'll just find a new one.
Schmidt: Easy for you to say. You two guys are still gonna be living together in the loft, saying, "Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in here in the bathroom." And coming up with clever names for the Wi-Fi network like, "This Is 4D."
Winston: That's pretty good.
Nick: I'd say we just... let's agree right now to switch it to that.
Schmidt: Points is, is your lives are going to go on, and I'll just always be that weirdo you once lived with. So you know what? I am gonna get my sack waxed. So enjoy the rest of your lives together. I'm gonna go shuck this corn.
Winston: Oh, man. Hey, do you think they'll take a picture of him just as they rip like they do on roller coasters?
Nick: I think you missed the point of what just happened.

Reagan: Did you just see that?
Jess: No. I had my eyes closed. I was saying a non-denominational prayer for Bruce and Kirby. What did I miss?

Cece: Jess, I asked for models, not a couple of driver's ed instructors!
Jess: I know, Cece, but they're hot on the inside. Bruce teaches CPR to children with irregular mouths, and Kirby has given so much bone marrow, they told him to stop.

Reagan: Cece? Cece, come here.
Cece: What?
Reagan: Look around this room. Nobody's eating these things but them.
Jess: Oh, my God, yes! And they love them. It almost makes me want to try them. And I emphasize "almost."
Reagan: They're making a mistake. These are the guys that can sell this stuff. Not these guys.
Cece: But they've already decided on the direction of the ad.
Jess: So tell them to change it! I mean, what have you got to lose?

Schmidt: Hey, Joy. I'm scared.
Nick: [o.s.] Don't you be scared, kid!
Schmidt: Nick?
Winston: We're here with you, buddy!
Schmidt: Winston!
Nick: We don't need a ritual, Schmidt, 'cause you're not gonna lose us. I thought we could've just told you that, but Winston thought we needed to show it.
Winston: Yeah, I thought that would be better. You know, it makes more sense to me.
Schmidt: Band of brothers.
Winston: Band of brothers!
Nick: That's right, man. Band of brothers, bro.
Schmidt: Band of brothers.

Winston: You know, I've been a little bit curious about it this whole time. I just couldn't admit it to you guys, you know?
Nick: I think this would be more dignified if we did it in silence.
Schmidt: Of course.
Winston: Yeah, let's do this in silence. Good luck, guys.
Nick: I'm ready for you, lady.
Schmidt: Three friends going on the same silent journey, together, yet separate, alone, yet closer than ever.

Cece: Okay, good. You both are here. So, guess who got the Sausage Crunchies job.
Jess: [gasps] Oh, yay, Kirby!
Reagan: Hey, Kirby!
Cece: Not Kirby, but I am going to hang on to him. I think he could book ads for both fast food and anti-depressants.

Reagan: Can I throw out this, uh, soggy bag of cucumbers?
Winston: No! Those are pickles in progress.

Winston: I mean, this not something we do every week, right?
Schmidt: No, it's like a monthly thing.
Winston: Monthly?
Nick: Not a chance!
Schmidt: It's our ritual.
Nick: No. No, no, no, no. One time only.
Schmidt: Guys, how can it be a ritual if we only do it one time?
Winston: Shut up, Schmidt! I will never go back! [cries]
Nick: It's okay, man. We're gonna get metal detectors.