Adrian Monk: What was that? It wasn't Spanish.
Jack Monk, Jr.: It's Guarani. It's the official language of Paraguay. Do you know that the most beautiful women in the world come from Paraguay?
Adrian Monk: Do they?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Exhibit A, who you didn't even look at. What are you human or what?
Adrian Monk: I'm human enough.

Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, Sherlock. Where are we? How's the case coming?
Adrian Monk: The victim's cell phone was exactly where you said it would be. And there was blood spatter all over the car, but you didn't have any on your pants.
Jack Monk, Jr.: So?
Adrian Monk: So there's a more than even chance that you were telling the truth.
Jack Monk, Jr.: We're gonna hug soon. I can feel it.
Adrian Monk: No, we're not gonna hug, Jack. You're still a criminal. I can believe you and still not like you.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Well, who do you like? I can be anybody.

Adrian Monk: Listen to me. This is serious. Somebody killed Lindsey Bishop and tried to frame you. So who else knew you were planning to escape?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Nobody.
Adrian Monk: Somebody did. Somebody knew you'd be in that parking lot.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Nobody! Hand to God, nobody knew! Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Oh, except Shiv.
Adrian Monk: I have a follow-up question.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Shoot.
Adrian Monk: Who's Shiv?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, he's my cellmate.
Adrian Monk: You said you didn't have a cellmate.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I don't think so. You must have misconstrued my connotation.

Adrian Monk: Tell me about Shiv.
Jack Monk, Jr.: His real name is Norman Logan. It was his cell. It was his plan. Somehow he got a hold of a real chisel, and he dug the tunnel himself. They moved me into his cell yesterday, and, he showed me the tunnel. And I figured if someone was gonna bust out, might as well be me.
Adrian Monk: You said you'd never lie to me. We had a deal.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, I know. I did lie about Shiv. But that was before I promised never to lie. So I don't think that should count. Wow, what was that look?
Adrian Monk: It's called disappointment, Jack. I'm sure it's a look you've seen before.

Jack Monk, Jr.: [sobbing] I can't believe it! I'm so- I still can't believe that she's gone!
Superintendent: I'm sorry. I didn't even know she had a brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: We weren't close. And of course now, it's too late to tell her all the things I wanted to tell her!
Superintendent: Yeah, I know. I'm gonna miss her too. She was probably my favorite tenant. Are you family too?
Adrian Monk: Pen pal.
Superintendent: Okay. Well, I'll let you two boys get to it. Just remember to lock up as you leave. Again, I'm sorry.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wow, he was a nice guy.
Adrian Monk: Can't help but notice your fake crying looks a lot like your real crying.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Thank you.

Jack Monk, Jr.: I love what you do with your hands. You're like one of those pantomime guys, huh? Okay, what are we looking for?
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure. I'll know it when I find it. [Jack swipes some change] What- What are you doing?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Believe me, brother, she's not gonna miss it.
Adrian Monk: Put it back. You put it back.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Fine.
Adrian Monk: And the rest of it.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, Jiminy Cricket.

Jack Monk, Jr.: That's weird.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Jack Monk, Jr.: This picture's out of focus. Look. That one makes her look fat. These pictures don't make sense.
Adrian Monk: You're right. They're terrible. She didn't put these up. No one would.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I don't understand.
Adrian Monk: They're from this drawer. They're the discards. Someone was in here after she died. They removed the real pictures, and replaced them with these.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Why?
Adrian Monk: Maybe she was having an affair and he didn't want anyone to know.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wow. Wow. Dad was right. You're like a wizard. Hey, we make a pretty good team, Monk! Come on! Hey, we could be partners! The Monk Brothers.
Adrian Monk: Don't count on it. - You're going back to prison, remember?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot.

Jack Monk, Jr.: Did I wake ya up?
Adrian Monk: No, it wasn't you. It was all the noise you were making.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Sorry. This is a real treat for me. You know, I've been in the joint. It's lights out at 9:00.
Adrian Monk: "Paraguay"? You are obsessed, aren't you?

Adrian Monk: Is this The Incredible Shrinking Man?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Dad used to love this one.
Jack Monk, Jr.: He still does, I imagine. Have a seat. Make yourself at home.
[Monk walks away and returns with his handheld vacuum]
Jack Monk, Jr.: You have to do that now?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. [finishes vacuuming] Now we can relax.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Popcorn?
Adrian Monk: You put cinnamon on it? I do that too.

Adrian Monk: Are you still In touch with him?
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, not since I got busted. I mean, he didn't even bail me out. He didn't come to court. He really hasn't been the same since mom died.
Adrian Monk: Since who died?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Since mom died. ... Her hair. She dyed her hair. It used to be strawberry blonde.
Adrian Monk: Your mother is dead? Who was that woman on the phone? I want an explanation, Jack, and I want the truth.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay which one do you want first?
Adrian Monk: Who is she? Your girlfriend.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, Theresa? No. No, she's like a friend with benefits. Okay, brother. Half bro. Half bro.
Adrian Monk: [on the phone] Leland. Leland, it's me, Adrian Monk. Listen, can you come over right away? Yes, it's extremely urgent. And, Cap, bring your handcuffs.