Jack Monk, Jr.: Adrian, you can't do that! You can't send me back. I'm your brother!
Adrian Monk: Half brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Adrian, I know I'm sorry, I lied. I'm sorry. It won't- It won't happen again. Hand to God.
Adrian Monk: Put your hand down, Jack and get dressed. The Captain's on his way.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wait, no! I'm on my knees! Your brother is in your kitchen, and he's on his knees.
Adrian Monk: Don't scuff up the floor.
Jack Monk, Jr.: You're making a big mistake!
Adrian Monk: I already made a mistake when I agreed to take you in. Actually, it was you who took me in.

Jack Monk, Jr.: I was in trouble. I was scared. You know what it's- Hey, you know what it's like being scared. You of all people!
Adrian Monk: Just stop talking! Can you stop talking?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay. What is your problem? Are you allergic to the truth?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yes, that's- I am, I am! That's it! I'm a cheat, I'm a liar, okay? That's who I am. I am as God made me. But I am not a killer! Wait, wait! Hang on! I didn't kill Lindsey Bishop, and you know that. Now, if I go back to prison, they know I did it, I am dead? You send me back there, you'd be killing your own brother.
Adrian Monk: Half brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Can you live with that?
Adrian Monk: I live with worse. And stop saying you're family. It doesn't mean anything, especially from you.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, now Shiv is gonna be after me.
Adrian Monk: I'm sure he is.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wait, Adrian. Adrian. Hey, whatever happens, you'll always be my- my big brother.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, by the way, the prisoner you were asking about, the cellmate?
Adrian Monk: Shiv Logan?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. You better start knockin' on a different door, because they just now found him dead in the prison rec room. He was stabbed in the neck with a shiv. Guy should have picked a different nickname. Well, you kids have fun. Nighty night.

Adrian Monk: Hypothetically...
Dr. Bell: Okay.
Adrian Monk: Let's say somebody was a fugitive from the law, and they needed help and they came to you.
Dr. Bell: A fugitive. Like the man who escaped from Bayside Correctional? The one who murdered that woman?
Adrian Monk: Okay, let's say, hypothetically... That it's not hypothetical. He's in my apartment. He's been there for two days. It's my half brother Jack. He's the fugitive. He's been using a fake name.
Dr. Bell: Did he kill that woman?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't think he did.
Dr. Bell: But he did escape from jail. He's guilty of that.

Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, you remember. I bought that album. You know that most of that money didn't even go to the children of Africa? But most of this money goes directly to the orphans. It's like only 2% goes to marketing.
Natalie: Which is probably why I never heard of it.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Exactly. That's why they call it a word of mouth charity.
Natalie: Well, I wish I could give you more.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, bless your heart.
Natalie: So I make it out to you?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, it's like a weird Canadian tax thing. I don't even understand it myself.

Adrian Monk: [enters] Where is he? Liar. You're a liar! You were never going back to prison.
Natalie: Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: You were going to Paraguay. That's why you came to me! You couldn't leave until I cleared your name.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, look, Adrian, I swear.
Adrian Monk: Just admit it, Jack! Just can you please. Just once. Just for the novelty of it.
Natalie: Wait, I don't understand. He's your pen pal, right?
Adrian Monk: He's my half brother. He's Jack, Jr.
Natalie: Oh, my God! Jack?
Adrian Monk: Aka Joe Endicott.
Natalie: The fugitive? [Monk nods] My god! So... Oh, my God! You killed that woman?
Adrian Monk: No, he's not a killer, but he's practically everything else.
Natalie: God! I want my check back.
Adrian Monk: What? What is that?
Natalie: He said he's building an orphanage in Quebec.

Jack Monk, Jr.: You know what, I am relieved that this happened. I really am. Let's talk about this. No more BS. No more lies, okay? Hand to God.
Adrian Monk: God doesn't wanna see your hand. What is that?
Jack Monk, Jr.: What?
Adrian Monk: That watch. I've seen it before. In Lindsey Bishop's apartment. You stole that watch! They haven't even buried her yet, and you're wearing her watch?
Natalie: Oh, my God!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, first off, wasn't her watch. So it doesn't count. It's a guy's watch, okay? Here, look. Take it back. It's not even my style.
Adrian Monk: You are the most selfish human being on the planet. You don't care about anyone or anything. [looks at the watch, turns to Natalie]
Jack Monk, Jr.: Is he okay?
Natalie: He just solved the case.

Daniel Reese: What can I do for you?
Adrian Monk: Well, we think that Lindsey Bishop had a fornication partner. We found this wristwatch in her apartment.
Daniel Reese: A fornication partner?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it's, it's a man's watch, and it's engraved: "LB. To DR."
Daniel Reese: It's not mine. Must be a dozen DRS working at the prison.
Adrian Monk: Only three, actually.
Daniel Reese: So you got two more to go.
Natalie: Did you ever see Miss Bishop outside of work?
Daniel Reese: No, ma'am, I did not. I have a wife and kid, and I'm trying to hang on to both. How do you know this "fornication partner" even works at the prison?
Natalie: We assumed because...
Adrian Monk: That's that's a good point. We should keep looking. Well, that's it, I guess. Sorry to bother you. Thanks again. [whispers] He's the guy. Just keep walking. Don't look back.
Natalie: Weren't there two other names on the-
Adrian Monk: No, the spoon in his hand was Sterling Silver. Has the same lettering as the one that killed Lindsey Bishop.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Are you sure?
Adrian Monk: I'm 80% sure he's the guy. [gun fire] I'm 95% sure!

Natalie: Will somebody please tell me what's going on?
Adrian Monk: Reese and Lindsey Bishop were having an affair. They were the fornicators! Things must have gone bad.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Maybe she threatened to tell his wife.
Adrian Monk: All we know for sure-
Natalie: Oh, God!
Adrian Monk: Is he wanted her gone. It was a setup from the beginning. He was going to kill his mistress and make it look like an inmate did it during an escape.
Jack Monk, Jr.: He went to Shiv. It was perfect choice. The guy's a real moron.
Adrian Monk: It worked, Shiv took the bait. Reese told Shiv. How to go, where to go, and most importantly, when to go. It had to be Monday night, 3:00. That night, he killed Lindsey Bishop in the parking lot, then he reported for duty. He took his position in the guard tower and waited. He expected Shiv to be escaping any minute. He didn't know Jack Monk, Jr. had other ideas. It wasn't exactly how Reese planned it, but...
Jack Monk, Jr.: He didn't care. One patsy's as good as another. I'm out!

Adrian Monk: He made it!
Natalie: He's backing up. Mr. Monk, he's backing up. Wait. Where's he going?
Adrian Monk: Paraguay. The most beautiful women in the world.
Natalie: Oh, my God! Here he comes. Now, what do we do?
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay. I'm gonna count to three.
Natalie: Okay. Yes, okay.
Adrian Monk: On three, you come up with a great idea.
[As Daniel Reese approaches Monk and Natalie, Jack drives through a fence and knocks him over. Jack gets out to the car to talk to Monk]
Adrian Monk: Paraguay is that way. The beautiful women.