Truck Driver: Hey. What are you doing? You can't ride back here. Does this look like a Greyhound bus to you?
Adrian Monk: No, buses have windows and seats.
Truck Driver: Hey, it was a rhetorical question. Are you all right? Look, buddy, it's not me. But if I get caught with a civilian back here, I could lose my insurance. Listen. Do you have any money?
Adrian Monk: No, I'm sorry.
Truck Driver: Wait, wait, wait. Here. Buy yourself some dinner. [hands Monk a wrinkled note] What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Smoothing it out.
Truck Driver: Why?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.

Debbie Barnett: Sir? Excuse me. Are you okay? Did you get in a fight or something?
Adrian Monk: Uh.
Debbie Barnett: Can I get you something to drink?
Adrian Monk: Do you have any bottle of water?
Debbie Barnett: We could do that.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait. I have a favorite brand. It's the only brand I drink. It's called, um... It's called... Oh, I can't remember.
Debbie Barnett: I'll just bring you ours.

Debbie Barnett: How was everything? How's that water?
Adrian Monk: I like it.
Debbie Barnett: See, you have a new favorite brand. It's a big day for you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Debbie Barnett: Now, I'm just curious. Why do you have everything on different plates? Is that like a religious thing?
Adrian Monk: I guess so.
Debbie Barnett: Is that why you wash your hands every two minutes?
Adrian Monk: Probably.
Debbie Barnett: Well, to each his own.

Cora: Now what?
Adrian Monk: I'm... I'm afraid.
Cora: You're up two feet, Jerry. You can do this. That's why you became a roofer, to get over your fear of heights. And it worked. You're world famous. Jerry, you're the king of all the roofers. Now up you go.
Adrian Monk: Yes, dear.

Adrian Monk: You said you had a picture.
Man: You've been looking for a six fingered man?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Where did you get this?
Man: Took it myself. I met him in Vancouver, Canada. He was drunk. He was talking about killing your wife with a car bomb.
Adrian Monk: What's his name?
Man: The picture's free, Mr. Monk. The name's gonna cost you.
Adrian Monk: W, wait, wait a minute. This sixth finger.
Man: Yeah, what about it?
Adrian Monk: No hair on the knuckle. This photograph has been doctored and the license plate is not Canadian. You can't help me at all, can you?

Roger Zisk: Hey, excuse me. Hey. Hey, don't ponce my ride. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: It's just... It's not quite straight.
Roger Zisk: What part of "Don't ponce my ride" don't you understand?
Adrian Monk: Ponce... Most of.... All of it really.
Roger Zisk: Look, man, this is a BMW 5 series, all right? I don't let my wife touch this car. And she bought me this car. You think I'm gonna let you touch it? [Monk keeps adjusting the mirror] Buddy, what is your problem?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I can't... I can't stop. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's almost there, just this...
Roger Zisk: Hey, how about I just rip you a new one?
Adrian Monk: Uh, no. No, no. I don't need a new one.
Roger Zisk: Where you from?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Roger Zisk: Well, how about you do this town a favor. You figure out where it is you're from and get your sorry ass back there.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Thank you.

Debbie Barnett: Good morning.
Adrian Monk: Can you feed me?
Debbie Barnett: We can try. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Adrian Monk: Um...
Debbie Barnett: Doesn't matter. It's the same menu anyway. Well, you can sit anywhere you like.
Adrian Monk: Oh.
Debbie Barnett: Here. How about right over here? You can watch the world go by.
Gail: Ha. Or not go by.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Talk to those guys. Get a list of their regulars. I want a list of all the truckers that park here over the night.
Natalie: This is my fault. I should never have left him. [Stottlemeyer is silent] You're supposed to say, "No, Natalie, it's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sorry.
Natalie: Say it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not your fault, stop blaming yourself.
Natalie: [sighs] It's all my fault.

Lieutenant Disher: Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What have you got?
Lieutenant Disher: Found his wallet. ID's still in there, money's gone.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Robbery. Well, believe it or not, that's good news.
Natalie: Why?
Captain Stottlemeyer: If it was a kidnapper, he'd have other things on his mind.

Debbie Barnett: Here we go. Whenever you are ready.
Adrian Monk: Oh, $12.50.
Debbie Barnett: Is there a problem?
Adrian Monk: I only have 5 dollars.
Debbie Barnett: You're having a rough time, aren't you? You know what, I'll pay the rest. Pay me back when you can.
Gail: Debbie, what are you doing?
Debbie Barnett: I can tell he's an honest guy.
Adrian Monk: I am?
Debbie Barnett: Mm-hmm.
Adrian Monk: I think you're right. I am. Thank you. I will pay you back. I promise.