Adrian Monk: Okay, this is how we do our laundry in America. These are your whites.
Samuel Waingaya: My whites, excellent.
Adrian Monk: Your off-whites. Your off-off-white. These are the primary colors: red, yellow, green, blue, and that's indigo. Left socks, right socks. I've labeled them for you.
Samuel Waingaya: But in Nigeria, we just wash all of our socks together.
Adrian Monk: Well, I don't like to judge people, but that's wrong.
Samuel Waingaya: So you mean you separate everything? But how much is that going to cost?
Adrian Monk: Uh, $200.
Samuel Waingaya: But I've been watching the Friends on TV for years. This is not how they do it.
Adrian Monk: What friends?
Samuel Waingaya: You know, the TV show Friends. Lisa Kudrow, Jennifer Aniston...
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we don't get the African TV here.

Adrian Monk: Whoa, whoa,whoa. What, what, what, what is this? What are you doing?
Samuel Waingaya: [smoking cigarette] I'm so sorry. It's so rude of me. Please, would you like one?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no thank you. But do you- Do you have to-
Samuel Waingaya: It calms my nerves. You did say for me to make myself at home. Did I misunderstand?
Adrian Monk: Wait a minute. Hold on. Here. Breathe it into this. Okay? See? There you go. And there you are.
Samuel Waingaya: I love it. It's ingenious. What do you call it?
Adrian Monk: A smoking bag.
Samuel Waingaya: I've never heard of such a thing. Is it new?
Adrian Monk: Yes, it's brand-new.
Samuel Waingaya: This would be very popular in Nigeria.

Adrian Monk: It's coming from outside. I knew it. It's a hippie. It's incense. He's burning incense down there. By the way, that's a perfect name for that stuff because that's how people react to it. They get incensed. Get it? Incense, incensed. You add the "D". Forget it. [opens window] Hey, you can't sell that stuff without a permit.
Samuel Waingaya: I am not selling anything.
Adrian Monk: Of course you're not. Nobody wants to buy that junk. Find another street. Good-bye. Peace and love, and Woodstock.
Samuel Waingaya: Woodstock?
Adrian Monk: You heard me!

Samuel Waingaya: Adrian Monk, just keep talking.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. Kenneth Nichols was driving that night. He was in this van. He called his friend John Buxton, but Buxton wasn't there. He was in Barbados on vacation. The housekeeper, Maria Fuentes, answered his cell phone. They talked for a minute. And while they were talking...
Samuel Waingaya: Ansara.
Adrian Monk: Trudy. Trudy.
Samuel Waingaya: Adrian Monk, what happened next? He hit her and kept driving. Maria overheard everything. At that point...
Samuel Waingaya: He knew too much.
Adrian Monk: He had to keep her quiet. So he kept her on the phone. He kept her talking while he drove across town.
[flashback:]
Kenneth Nichols: [on the phone] I pulled over, she's hurt pretty bad. But someone's called 911, an ambulance is on the way.
Maria Fuentes: Hold on. I have a book here. It says to keep her warm and keep her head still.
[present:]
Samuel Waingaya: Ansara. She was a flower. She was so young. She was just beginning. We are turning. What is happening now?
Adrian Monk: Now he kills us. Fine with me.
Samuel Waingaya: We must go on. Trudy, Ansara, they would want us to go on. They would want us to be strong. They are here with us now. Do you not feel it?
Adrian Monk: Not anymore.
Samuel Waingaya: Well, I am not going to give up. And neither are you.
Adrian Monk: Samuel, this is your final lesson. This is how we do things in America. We cry a lot. We confuse our dead wife with other people's dead wives. And then we give up. [sobs]

Samuel Waingaya: I've been looking at trucks on the street. None of them say "poison."
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I know. It doesn't make sense. Exterminator vans usually say "pest control". Or something like that. I can't figure it out, but I will.
Samuel Waingaya: I know you will.
Woman: Excuse me, are you using all the machines?
Samuel Waingaya: That's right.
Adrian Monk: But they're empty.
Samuel Waingaya: That is the pre-wash cleansing cycle.
Woman: The pre-wash what?
Samuel Waingaya: The cleansing cycle. If you are going to live here, you should learn some of the customs. [to Monk] Did you see that, with the finger? What does that mean?
Adrian Monk: That means "We're number one." And we should hurry.

Adrian Monk: The smell! I can't breathe! Oh, God. I can't get a break. First the incense, then the dead housekeeper, and now this. God it stinks! It's like chemical warfare.
Samuel Waingaya: Adrian Monk, will you please stop talking about the smell? Sometimes you are like a big, crying infant. We have other problems, Adrian Monk. [Monk is silent] That's better.
Adrian Monk: Can I say something?
Samuel Waingaya: Is it about the stink?
Adrian Monk: No. Yes! I can't breathe!
Samuel Waingaya: Would you just think of something else. You said that another woman was killed. What did you mean?
Adrian Monk: It stinks in here!

Natalie: Are you trying to impress that girl?
Lieutenant Disher: What girl?
Natalie: The CSI tech. You think that's a quality she's looking for in a man? Do you think she's saying, "Why can't I meet an attractive, thirty-something, non-smoker who's oblivious to the stench of rotting flesh?"
Lieutenant Disher: I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

Kenneth Nichols: I don't want to hear your excuses. I've been warning you for a month.
Dishwasher: I'll pay for the bowl. You can take it out of my pay. Tell me what it's worth.
Kenneth Nichols: It's worth of a lot more than you. [smashes bowl] Adios. You're fired. You can pick up your check on Friday. The apron.
Samuel Waingaya: [speaks native language]
Adrian Monk: What does that mean?
Samuel Waingaya: He's the guy.

Adrian Monk: I understand you're friends of my employer, Mr. Nichols.
Mrs. Buxton: Yes, we've known Kenneth for years. Why?
Mr. Buxton: Have we met?
Adrian Monk: No, no. I'm new here. I'm sorry to hear about your housekeeper. Someone mentioned that she was killed recently. She was bludgeoned the death. Is that right? More coffee?
Mr. Buxton: Wait a minute, I do know you. He was there. He's with the police.
Mrs. Buxton: Are you a detective?
Adrian Monk: Actually, I'm moonlighting.
Mrs. Buxton: As a waiter?
Adrian Monk: Well, you know our motto, to protect and serve. When I'm a cop, I protect. And at night, I serve.
Mrs. Buxton: But it's day.
Adrian Monk: Exactly.

Samuel Waingaya: Looks good.
Adrian Monk: What is that? Is that a speck? We better make sure.
French Chef: I need a plate. Where are they? What have you been doing?
Adrian Monk: Well, we did this fork and this knife.
Samuel Waingaya: We've been washing them American style.
French Chef: What the hell does that mean? What about the potatoes?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah.
French Chef: What did you do? You were just supposed to peel them. They look like dice.
Adrian Monk: American style.
Samuel Waingaya: American style.
French Chef: Why do you keep saying that? That doesn't make any sense.