Adrian Monk: What should I do?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: No. Tell me what to do.
Lieutenant Disher: I can't do that.
Adrian Monk: Well, can you find somebody who will tell me what to do?

Woman: Uh, excuse me? Miss?
Sharona: We're closing.
Woman: Now?
Sharona: That's right.
Woman: What for?
Sharona: The holiday.
Woman: What holiday?
Sharona: It's Lamp Day.

Adrian Monk: [to Trudy's picture] How was your day? I bought a lamp. Three, actually.

Bonnie: So, you say your wife was a writer.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, she was a columnist for the Examiner. She died four years ago. She was murdered.
Bonnie: Oh, dear. What's the world coming to?
Adrian Monk: I don't know, ma'am. I ask myself that every day. This- This was from from her appointment book. See, this was her last entry. I always thought that 530 Kelly Street was an address, but then this morning... It hit me. It's a name Kelly Street.
Bonnie: Well, her real name's Katrina. I was the first one to call her Kelly.
Adrian Monk: Right. And-And the 530 is not a house number. It means half past 5:00, of course. So Trudy must have been planning to meet your sister on that day. Something about a Mr. Simon. You see? Who Who is that? Is that a friend of the family?
Bonnie: Mr. Simon was her dog.
Adrian Monk: Dog?
Bonnie: When Mr. Simon passed away and died, Kelly couldn't bear to bury him, so she had him stuffed. Some people found it peculiar Your wife was probably writing a little story about her.
Adrian Monk: Um, do you mind if I touch him?
Bonnie: Oh, of course.
Adrian Monk: Taxidermy always fascinated me. [dog barks]
Bonnie: What are you doing? That- That's not Mr. Simon, silly billy. That's the Colonel.

Kelly Street: Oh. Company.
Adrian Monk: Oh, thank God. Are you Kelly Street? Mrs. Kelly Street?
Kelly Street: You don't remember me?
Adrian Monk: I'm-I'm sorry.
Kelly Street: Mr. Monk, you've been here three times. You come every year asking about your wife.
Bonnie: Oh, dear.
Kelly Street: You should write it down, Mr. Monk so you don't forget.
Adrian Monk: You're right. You're right. I must have blocked it out.

Angie DeLuca: I couldn't believe it. Sidney really stood up to him. I didn't think he had it in him.
Sharona: Did he say anything?
Angie DeLuca: Who?
Sharona: The mugger.
Angie DeLuca: Oh, geez. That was 20 years ago. Uh, I think he said, you know, "Give me your money. Don't be a hero."
Sharona: He said that? "Don't be a hero"?
Angie DeLuca: Yeah. Is that important?
Sharona: Oh, yeah. That is- That is very important. Um... I think I just busted this case wide open.

Adrian Monk: What have you been doing?
Sharona: Investigating. I went to see Angie DeLuca. She used to date Sidney Teal in college. Adrian, you're not gonna believe this. There was another mugging 20 years ago. It was the exact same thing except Sidney Teal was the guy being mugged.
Adrian Monk: What?
Sharona: Now, get this. The mugger from 20 years ago said, "Don't be a hero."
Adrian Monk: Really? That's interesting.
Sharona: See? I knew it was interesting. I mean, I didn't know why, but I knew. [Adrian smiles] I know that look. You got it, right?

Adrian Monk: It was a harmless little prank. You pretended to mug Sidney Teal and his date. And for a minute the mild-mannered computer geek got to look like Superman. And I'm sure you both had a big laugh about it later on. You are a nut case. No one's gonna believe him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: On occasion I've been known to believe him. Don't stop now.
Adrian Monk: Where was I?
Sharona: Twenty years later, Sidney brought Myra to his college fund-raiser, and that's where you two met. And you met again and again and again.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure you don't want to tell it?
Sharona: No, no, no. You're doing great. Just go.

Adrian Monk: A year goes by. You decide that life would be perfect without Sidney Teal around. So you two hatch a plan. You contacted Sidney, and you reminded him of the time you helped him impress his date, and you asked him if he wouldn't like to return the favor.
Sharona: You knew he wouldn't say no. It was a chance for him to relive one of the best nights of his life.
Adrian Monk: And it worked like a charm. To the rest of the world, it appeared that an eccentric billionaire had a nervous breakdown. And if worse came to worse, and anyone connected you with Sidney Teal, you just had to admit that you'd had an affair and claim that the shooting was self-defense.

Fraidy Cop: [running away] He's got a gun. Look out.
Reporter: Fraidy Cop, just a couple of questions! Please!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Shoot him.
Lieutenant Disher: I can't do that, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Then shoot me.