Adrian Monk: I'm not, I'm not a quitter. I didn't quit. There were extenuating circumstances.
Steve Wagner: There always are. The trick is not to let them stop us.

Steve Wagner: Captain, you said it was important.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, yeah. Um... Do you know a woman named Joanne Raphelson?
Steve Wagner: She's dead, isn't she? She finally did it.
Lieutenant Disher: You're not surprised.
Steve Wagner: Joanne's been depressed for months. For years, really. She was about to have a book published but somehow that made it worse. Like I was saying, Mr. Monk, some people just can't handle the pressure.
Adrian Monk: It was a psychological discharge, for God's sake.
Natalie: It was only temporary.
Adrian Monk: I plan on being reinstated.
Natalie: He's so much better.

Steve Wagner: I have no secrets from my wife. Honey, these gentlemen are detectives. Joanne Raphelson is dead.
Nicole Wagner: Oh, no. Poor girl.
Steve Wagner: I made a mistake, Captain. Five years ago. Nicole knows all about it. I don't deserve this woman.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, ma'am. What is that you're drinking?
Nicole Wagner: It's called a spacewalk. My husband invented it.
Adrian Monk: Is, is that an olive?
Nicole Wagner: And an onion and a cherry.
Steve Wagner: It's my claim to fame. Would you like one?
Adrian Monk: No, thank you.

Adrian Monk: Mr. Wagner, I was reading about your flight and they said they almost had to cancel the liftoff. You were running late.
Steve Wagner: That's true. I got lost on my way to Edwards. Can you believe it?
Adrian Monk: You, you got lost?
Steve Wagner: I tried a different short cut. I, I, I guess I'm a better navigator in the sky than I am on the highways.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, 99 times out of 100, I am in your corner. But I just can't see it. Steve Wagner is a national hero.
Natalie: It's true, Mr. Monk.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He was on the cover of Time magazine.
Natalie: Actually, it was Newsweek.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually, it was both. Now look, we need to tread carefully here. First off, there's no motive. The wife knew about the affair. A lot of people did.
Adrian Monk: It wasn't just the affair. We just talked to Joanne Raphelson's editor in New York. She was about to hand in her next draft, which contained a couple of real bombshells.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Like?
Adrian Monk: Like which of her ex-boyfriends beat her up five years ago. Somebody put her in the hospital. She had a concussion, right?
Natalie: Uh-huh.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you think Steve Wagner's involved?
Natalie: I just don't believe it. I'm sorry, Mr. Monk.

Adrian Monk: Look, Wagner wants to run for office. A story like that would bury him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. Maybe you found a motive. Maybe. But it doesn't matter. And I'll tell you why. Because your suspect, Monk, was in outer space. He wasn't on this planet.
Natalie: It's true. Julie and I watched it on television.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The whole world was watching. He took off on Monday and he landed on Friday. Here's the case file. The coroner is 100% sure. He is certain that Joanne Raphelson died of ligature strangulation on Wednesday morning while your man was in space. Now maybe we should take a minute and see if we can think of a better alibi.
[Stottlemeyer, Monk and Natalie ponder for a long time]
Adrian Monk: It's a pretty good alibi.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.

Natalie: She had drugs in her system? Barbiturates.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, coroner says she took some pills. They didn't work. She went to plan B and dangled herself. It happens all the time.
Adrian Monk: But you said yourself the crime scene didn't look kosher.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, what I'm saying is it might be murder, but it wasn't him.

Natalie: Steve Wagner is speaking at Julie's school for career day.
Adrian Monk: Wait, you invited him?
Natalie: Yeah. I met his PR person last night as we were leaving.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, he killed his ex-girlfriend.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, maybe you should go, too. You think the guy's involved, it'll give you a chance to feel him out.
Adrian Monk: Fine. Okay. I'll do it.
Natalie: You're both coming? I'm gonna be class mom of the year.

Steve Wagner: When I was your age, I was a boy scout. Who here knows the boy scout motto?
All: Be prepared.
Steve Wagner: That's right. And that motto saved my life. Because when the landing gear didn't come down, I was prepared. I knew what I had to do. I went around Florida. Good-bye, Florida. Over Louisiana. And landed the space shuttle here in the gulf of Mexico with a great bigbelly flop.
Julie Teeger: And you weren't even scared?
Steve Wagner: No, I wasn't scared. I was terrified! People called me a hero. But anyone, anybody could've done that. You or you, or you or you or... [points at Monk but moves on] ...you or you. Being brave is being afraid of something but doing it anyway.
Girl: What are you gonna do next?
Steve Wagner: Well, tomorrow, I'm testing a brand-new jet for the air force called the FA-22 Raptor. It's the most advanced fighter in the world. She's faster than the speed of sound. So if you hear a big boom in the sky tomorrow, that's me saying, "Hello, kids." Before I go, I brought some official Steve Wagner laser pointers for all you kids. Here you go. Take one, pass them back. Well, I had a great time. And remember, what does Steve Wagner want you to do?
All: Aim high.

Steve Wagner: Here you are. Our brave centurion. I liked your speech. Especially the little dance number at the end.
Natalie: Those laser pointers can be very dangerous.
Steve Wagner: Yeah. They're a real menace. I hear you've been checking up on me. Calling Joanne's family.
Her publisher. Turning over rocks. If you want to talk to me, let's talk right now, man to muss.
Adrian Monk: Did you hit her?
Steve Wagner: Hit who?
Adrian Monk: Joanne. Did you hit her so hard that she woke up in the hospital?
Steve Wagner: I wouldn't repeat that, Mr. Monk. That's slander. Besides, who would believe it?
Adrian Monk: That's why you killed her, isn't it? Because she was about to go public. She was about to tell the truth about you.
Steve Wagner: You're a sad little man. I can't believe you and I breathe the same air. I was on a space ship, Mr.
Monk, circling the Earth with my crew. Why doesn't that satisfy?
Adrian Monk: Am I making you nervous?
Steve Wagner: Never. You know why? [clicks fingers] See? You flinched. See, you're a flincher. You'll never stop me because when the chips are down, when it really counts, you are always going to flinch.
Assistant: Sir, sorry to interrupt. We have to go.
Steve Wagner: Would you excuse us? The governor's waiting.
Natalie: [to Monk] My God. You were right. He killed her. That was almost a confession. But how? How did he do it?