David Ruskin: All right, so look, I'm just a fly on the wall. I'm here to watch and learn, all right? You do your magic.
Adrian Monk: Hi, hey, howdy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you got?
Adrian Monk: Broken glass. Could be a piece of a crystal from a watch.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bag it.
Adrian Monk: [goofy voice] Bag it!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you. You okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it's just glitter. It was in her hair. [shuffles] It won't come off! [Natalie tries to hand him a wipe] What are you doing? No, no.
Natalie: Just take it!
Adrian Monk: No.

David Ruskin: So what do you think? You think this guy's gonna strike again?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, no, I doubt it. No, this was a straight-up crime of passion. A one-time deal. This guy will probably go the rest of his life and never cross the line again.

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, Monk.
Adrian Monk: God!
Lieutenant Disher: You gotta see this. David Ruskin's in here.
Adrian Monk: What's he doing?
Lieutenant Disher: He's doing you.

David Ruskin: Hey, there he is! There's the man himself. Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Oh, please, Adrian.
David Ruskin: Adrian, okay. How are you?
Natalie: Good.
David Ruskin: Good, good, good.
Adrian Monk: Or- Or- Or Age.
David Ruskin: Age. Okay. All right, Age. Okay, no problem.

Lieutenant Disher: Okay, the owner's name was Alexis Orlov. He was robbed five times in the last five years. So he slept downstairs in the basement with a gun under his pillow.
Monk & Ruskin: [in unison] What kind of gun?
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry.
David Ruskin: No, I'm sorry.
Adrian Monk: No, that was- That was a good question.
David Ruskin: Oh, good. I just felt instinctually to, uh-
Adrian Monk: No, you have to ask what the weapon is.

Lieutenant Disher: You just nailed it. That's great. Really good.
Adrian Monk: No. No, no, no.
David Ruskin: No? Do it again for me. Do it again.
Adrian Monk: It's a gift and a curse. See?
David Ruskin: It's a gift and a curse. No, that's not it. Do it again. Say it again.
Adrian Monk: It's a gift and a curse.
David Ruskin: And a curse. A curse.

Adrian Monk: Oh, there you are. What are you doing?
Natalie: Just getting some air.
Adrian Monk: There's a lot of air inside. Everybody's in there. Breathing away.
Natalie: Yeah, it's a little stuffy for me in there. "It's a gift and a curse." "It's a gift and a curse." "It's a gift and a curse."
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, don't you see? It's already happening.
Adrian Monk: What is?
Natalie: I've been doing a little research on your new pal. Two years ago, David Ruskin played an alcoholic in a TV movie. He got so into it, he had to check himself into rehab for three months.
Adrian Monk: A lot of people check themselves into rehab.
Natalie: He doesn't drink! That's the thing. He had all the symptoms of an alcoholic without drinking. He's had at least two other breakdowns. Mr. Monk, I think this man is dangerous. I think he's dangerous to you.
Adrian Monk: Maybe he's just dedicated. Did you ever think of that? Natalie, they're making a movie about me. No, this is something that I might actually come close to almost enjoying.

Captain Stottlemeyer: We got the preliminary ballistics back. It's the same gun.
Lieutenant Disher: There's no fingerprints, Monk. No palm prints. Gun's been wiped clean.
Adrian Monk: Wait.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you got?
Adrian Monk: Blue glitter.
Natalie: Glitter? From the other crime scene?
David Ruskin: Maybe you still had some left on your hands.
Lieutenant Disher: No, no, no, no. He never touched the gun. I bagged it myself.
Adrian Monk: Anyway, I've washed my hands 100 times since yesterday.
David Ruskin: Really? Exactly 100?
Adrian Monk: It's a great number.

Captain Stottlemeyer: So the guy that killed the girl in North Beach on Thursday also killed the pawn shop owner last night? That just doesn't track.
Adrian Monk: It would explain that watch he stole. Maybe...
David Ruskin: He was replacing his own, the one that broke.
Lieutenant Disher: He's right. They're both right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, it's worth a shot. If there's a connection, we'd better find it and find it fast.

Director: David, you all right?
David Ruskin: Yeah, no, I'm fine. Just- I can't work like this. It's the crew.
Director: What about them?
David Ruskin: Well, I mean, look. He has his hat on backwards, right? And he has his hat on frontwards. This guy's hat on backwards/forwards. Right, and then backwards/forwards, backwards/forwards. I mean everything's like all, you know...
Director: So what?
David Ruskin: How am I supposed to work like that, huh? I mean, how? Can you do that? I can't. I mean, it's not the way I work. So why don't you-- I'll be in my trailer, all right? And why don't you call me back when everything is less, you know, mixed up! All right? Thanks!