Dr. Kroger: Okay, it's 3:00. I'll see you next--
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'll see you on Wednesday.
Dr. Kroger: Whoa, wait-wait-wait. You know, I was thinking maybe we should eliminate Wednesday. And you can come on Monday and Friday.
Adrian Monk: Two days a week?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, how would you feel about that?
Adrian Monk: I don't know what to say. That's only twice as much as a normal person. How many times does Harold Crenshaw come?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you know I can't talk about another patient.
Adrian Monk: I'll bet he comes three times a week. Loser.

Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's not a contest. The important thing is that you're making real tangible progress. And I couldn't be happier. You know, you've been stuck at square one for a long time.
Adrian Monk: I hate square one.
Dr. Kroger: Well then let me be the first to say, welcome to square two.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] How many squares are there?
Dr. Kroger: We'll just take it one step at a time.
Adrian Monk: What square is Harold on?
Dr. Kroger: Doesn't matter.
Adrian Monk: I understand. He's still on square one, isn't he? Blink twice if I'm right.

Adrian Monk: Tangible progress, can you believe it? That's what he said. Tangible progress. Those were his words.
Natalie: Good for you.
Adrian Monk: He said that I was on square two.
Natalie: Oh, that's a good place to be.
Adrian Monk: What square are you on?
Natalie: Oh, I don't know, Mr. Monk. I never really thought about it.
Adrian Monk: Well, I'd say you were on square five, four or five.
Natalie: That sounds about right. But you're catching up. Oh, I'm so proud of you. Are you proud of yourself?
Adrian Monk: Proud of myself? No, no. That's square-five talk.

Adrian Monk: Where was I?
Natalie: You were headed out to the balcony.
Adrian Monk: Uh, no. No, no, no, no. I have to check over here. Have to look over here. There's not enough stuffing in this bear. I think there was something hidden in here.
Natalie: You already said that.
Adrian Monk: Did I?
Natalie: Mr. Monk? We have a visitor.
Adrian Monk: Huh, I didn't see you there.
David Ruskin: Hey, hey, hey.
Adrian Monk: I'm Adrian Monk.
David Ruskin: Hey. Uh, Dave Ruskin. Listen, I am such a big, big fan of yours. And I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Normally I would shake your hand, but people warned me about, you know.
Adrian Monk: No, no, I'm fine. People exaggerate about that stuff. I can shake hands.
David Ruskin: All right, cool. [they shake hands] Well, listen, I only got a little while to get inside your head. So be patient with me.
Adrian Monk: Well, good luck. [Natalie goes to hand him a wipe] What's that for? What's the matter with you?

Lieutenant Disher: Randy Disher.
David Ruskin: Oh, yeah, Lieutenant Disher. You're in the script.
Lieutenant Disher: That's right, that's me. Hey, you don't happen to know who's gonna be playing me in the movie, do you?
David Ruskin: I don't know. The last I heard they were talking to Brad.
Lieutenant Disher: Brad Pitt?
David Ruskin: Yeah.
Lieutenant Disher: Really? I swear that's exactly who I thought. Excuse me, I gotta call my mother- My girlfriend. Ha. Brad Pitt.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [to Ruskin] Yep. Thank you. I enjoyed that.
David Ruskin: My pleasure. My pleasure, Captain.

David Ruskin: Listen, I wanna do that thing, you know, with the hands. The thing you do with the hands. Can you just show me quickly?
Adrian Monk: Oh, that? Yeah. Yeah, that's like...
David Ruskin: What is it?
Adrian Monk: You look between your fingers. Yeah? You just let your mind go blank.
David Ruskin: Well, that won't be hard.
Adrian Monk: You let the room wash over you.
David Ruskin: Yeah, all right.
Adrian Monk: And you can go up, or you can go down.
David Ruskin: Okay.
Adrian Monk: And you can lean. Just making connections and just looking for, uh... You're looking for inconsistencies.

Natalie Actress: Am I interrupting something?
Disher Actress: I was just, uh, looking for evidence.
Natalie Actress: In his mouth? Mr. Monk! We're in here!
David Ruskin: [enters] [touches lights] Hmm. [rearranges figurines] Something's not... Something's wrong here. How tall was the victim?
Disher Actress: 5'7".
David Ruskin: Natalie, you're 5'7". Um, would you mind... Um, I'd do it myself, but I'm afraid of heights.
Disher Actress: And needles and germs and milk.
Stottlemeyer Actor: It just doesn't add up.
David Ruskin: Captain, I am 90 to 95% sure that Steve Wagner killed this woman.
Stottlemeyer Actor: The astronaut? Monk, he was in space. Outer space.
David Ruskin: I don't know how he did it, but he did it.

Natalie: Who's that guy?
Lieutenant Disher: I can't tell you. It's a secret. The captain wants to tell you himself. Okay, when the captain tells you, you gotta act surprised. It's a Hollywood producer. He's making a movie about us. I mean all of us.
Natalie: What kind of movie?
Lieutenant Disher: It's called "The Killer Astronaut." Remember the jet pilot Steve Wagner? Him. It's great.

Captain Stottlemeyer: There you are! Hey, are you guys ready for some great news? See that guy over there? He's a television producer. His name is Hoberman. They're making a movie about the astronaut case from last year.
Adrian Monk: Whoo! Gah! Whoo!
Captain Stottlemeyer: You okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm fine. Just surprised.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It gets even better. You know who's sitting in that limousine over there? David Ruskin.
Adrian Monk: The actor?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's gonna be playing you.
Adrian Monk: I know him. David Ruskin. I saw him. Trudy- Trudy and I saw him in a play. She thought he was handsome. Now he's playing me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, I'm glad you're happy, Monk. Because the guy wants to follow you around for a while.
Natalie: Follow him?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, to study him. It's entirely up to you.

Adrian Monk: There's not enough stuffing here. I think there was something else inside this bear. Could a camera fit in here?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sure.
Adrian Monk: 'Cause it was facing the pull-out couch. They could have been, you know...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Makin' whoopee.
Adrian Monk: Exactly.