‘Treehouse’
Season 3, Episode 7 - Aired November 2, 2011
After spending time with Shorty and his girlfriend, Gloria is disappointed when Jay doesn't want to go dancing with them. Cameron bets Mitchell that he could get a woman's phone number at a bar. Meanwhile, Phil builds a tree house for Luke and his pals, but ends up being the one who makes a new friend.
Quote from Luke
Phil: Oh! Son of a Brisket! Why does that keep happening? Maybe I need a nail gun.
Luke: Okay, that's it! I'm out!
Phil: What do you mean, you're out? Where are you going?
Luke: Dad, no offense, but I've seen you with a glue gun. I think a nail is gonna be harder to get out of my hair.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Sweetheart, what's this?
Phil: We talked about this last week. I said I'm building Luke a treehouse, you said fine. You know? Sometimes I think you just turn me out.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I never told her. She just would have said "no."
Quote from Jay
Shorty: So we spread out a nice blanket, opened up a bottle of vino, and watched the sun set over the water.
Darlene: It was majestic.
Shorty: Mm. Majestic.
Gloria: Ay, why? Why we never have the picnic?
Jay: Who wants to sit on a blanket? There's no back support.
Gloria: It's majestic.
Quote from Jay
Darlene: Last week, Shorty took me to see the Cirque du Soleil. It's like a circus, but classy. So if you like elephants, don't hold your breath.
Shorty: She's so cute.
Gloria: Jay hates the crowds, the beach, the rainbows.
Jay: Rainbows? It's just colors in the sky. Do we have to pull over every time and take a picture?
Shorty: Shame. There's an expression in Italian, Jay. "Dammi la tua mano e corriamo uniti per tutta la vita." "Give me your hand and we will run together our whole lives."
Gloria: Jay also hates running.
Quote from Jay
Shorty: Hey, you know what? Why don't you guys come salsa dancing with us tomorrow night?
Darlene: Oh, yeah! That would be great!
Gloria: Ay, it sounds like so much fun. I love salsa dancing. Jay, let's go salsa dancing with them.
Jay: Look.
Gloria: Why not?
Jay: I just bought that pay-per-view fight. I tell you what. We'll compromise. We'll watch the fight. We'll eat salsa.
Quote from Jay
Shorty: Who needs him? Come dancing with us.
Gloria: Ay, no, I wouldn't want to-
Darlene: No, no! You'd be doing me a favor. Shorty never wants to stop, and I could use a break.
Shorty: You hear that Jay? I never stop.
Jay: All I hear is she could use a break.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Hey! Oh, my God! How are you?
Katie: Hey. Hey!
Cameron: Wow. Look at you. You look fantastic.
Katie: Thank you. So do you.
Cameron: How long has it been?
Katie: It feels like forever.
Cameron: Yeah.
Katie: Um, when is the last time we saw each other?
Cameron: Oh, let's see. I think it was at Dave's thing.
Katie: You know what? I'm sorry. I don't know if you've heard. I was in a terrible car accident, and ever since the coma, I have a really hard time placing names and faces. So who are you again?
Cameron: Oh, my God. I am so sorry. It was just a clever way to try to approach you. We don't know each other.
Katie: I've never been in a coma. But you so deserved that. That was the worst pick-up ever.
Cameron: Oh, my God! That was genius! And mean! Now I know why we're old fake friends.
Katie: Oh.
Cameron: Can I buy you a drink?
Katie: Yeah. I'm Katie.
Cameron: Cameron.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Wham, bam, thank you, Cam.
Mitchell: Seriously? You got her number?
Cameron: Sure did. And all my shirts get ironed, and their seams should appear straight, just like their owner.
Quote from Luke
Luke: Should you be using screws instead of nails?
Phil: America was built with nails, son.
Luke: So was that gazebo you built for our 4th of July party.
Quote from Phil
Luke: And you have lots of friends.
Phil: Yeah, I have work friends, and your mom and I have couples friends, and there are my college friends, but they're scattered all over the country. It's not the same as just shouting out to your neighborhood buddies, "Hey, fellas! I'm up here in the tree house!" - Oh, my! Gotta fix that board.