Cameron: Jay, would you mind if we came?
Jay: Sure. Why not?
Cameron: I'd like to get Mama some snowshoes, lift her spirits what with all the frozen cows.
Mitchell: So cows freeze now? Are we all just accepting that?
Cameron: Oh, absolutely. Jay, this one time-
Jay: We'll take two cars.

Claire: [aside to camera] I'm taking Luke to see a child psychologist. This is something that Phil would never agree to. He doesn't want Luke to feel different. But Luke's grades aren't great, and he's having trouble concentrating in school. I just want to make sure that he's... normal. 'Cause sometimes I wonder.

Claire: Uh, Haley, how are you getting to the mall?
Haley: Gabby's picking me up.
Claire: You're gonna drop your sister off at her cello lesson first.
Haley: No way. She plays lacrosse and takes cello lessons. Even my reputation can't handle that dork hit.
Claire: Okay, well, then you don't need to go snowboarding with your friends on break.
Haley: Fine, I'll take her. Just never look my friends in the eye, and only speak in emergencies.
Claire: Got it.
Haley: [imitates buzzer] Already failed.

Phil: Honey, after I go by the office, maybe we can grab some lunch.
Claire: I can't. I gotta pick up all that stuff for the school trip. But you know what? I'll see you tonight at Dad and Gloria's.
Phil: Okay.
Luke: Smell Heather for me.
Phil: I always do... not.

Dr. Klausner: Ms. Dunphy?
Claire: Hi, Dr. Klausner. I am so sorry we're late. We got a little caught up-
Dr. Klausner: Oh, that's okay. It gave me a chance to chat with your husband.
Phil: Hello, Claire.

Claire: How did you-
Phil: How did I what? Know you were someplace you left no trace of except for a tiny notation in your calendar? It was quite simple, really. I noticed a tiny nota- Shoot.

Cameron: Ooh, maybe I should also get a gift for my Aunt Pat. Have I ever told you about her? Total gun nut, lives completely off the grid.
Mitchell: Did you see how cute Gloria was with Lily?
Cameron: Pat is hilarious. I don't think she's paid taxes in 20 years. But very hospitable. Always has a deer in the freezer.

Mitchell: Would you listen to me? I think that Gloria and my dad could be Lily's guardians.
Cameron: Look, you know I love Jay, and they're still in the mix. But I just don't know about him raising a child.
Mitchell: Well, Cam, he raised me.
Cameron: Well, now you've put me in an awkward position.

Jay: It's butterflies.
Manny: Where?
Jay: You're just nervous because there's gonna be a lot of physical activity which is not exactly your strong suit.
Manny: It is a little daunting out there.
Jay: Listen, don't use the word "daunting" in nature, okay?

Jay: You just need a little self-confidence. Look at this. They got one of these rock walls here. Why don't you hop up on that?
Manny: Why?
Jay: Why? To prove that you can do it. You can do that, you can do anything.
Manny: Really? Can I fly? Can I speak Chinese?
Jay: No, but you can sleep in the house tonight.