Claire: Hey! What are you two lovebirds doing here? I thought you were sleeping over at Janice's.
Janice: It got too hard for us to be there.
Luke: Yeah. You know, in the silence.
Janice: My daughter just went away for college.
Luke: We're empty nesters now. Everything in that house is just another reminder of our little girl. [Janice cries]
Claire: You've known her for four months, but, um, yeah.

Claire: What are you doing home?!
Haley: Well, it was a disaster. George head-butted me and gave me this black eye. And Dylan read that skin-to-skin contact is good for baby bonding and wound up with a massive sunburn.
Dylan: Can you tell?
Claire: [gasps]
Haley: Oh, plus, we forgot the diaper bag, so we had to use fast-food wrappers that we found in Dylan's van.
Claire: This is not... not... not your best look.

Bridget: Next, add a slice of apple.
Mitchell: Apple? To a turkey sandwich?
Bridget: Trust me, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Okay. Well, if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's listen more to women. Okay. [eats] Oh, my God. Delicious! [Humming "Shallow"]
["Shallow" plays]
Mitchell: Oh, Bridget, you don't have to. [sings] I'm off the deep end Watch as I dive in I'll never leave the round
Both: Crash through the surface Where they can't hurt us We're far from the shallow now In the shallow, shallow In the shallow, la-la-la-la, low

Cameron: What are you doing?
Mitchell: Oh, hey!
Bridget: Singing the 2018 power ballad "Shallow."
Cameron: Were you just singing a duet with the refrigerator?
Mitchell: Well, um, yeah, uh... Apparently, Bridget has a karaoke function. So, I was just standing here eating my turkey and apple sandwich, when suddenly she...
Cameron: Apples on a sandwich?
Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah. Bridget, she... she's opening me up to... to new experiences.

Bridget: Mitchell, would you like some watermelon for dessert?
Cameron: No, that's okay, Bridget, thank you. I just got him some fresh cantaloupe. So, we're good.
Bridget: Mitchell doesn't like cantaloupe.
Cameron: [chuckling] Oh, yeah, right. Of course he does.
Mitchell: Uh, actually, I... I... I've never been a fan.
Cameron: Really? Well, what else does Bridget know about you that I don't? Is she allowed to meet your work friends?
Mitchell: You can't seriously be jealous.
Cameron: No, well, it's just that I thought we were gonna enjoy her together. I didn't count on being the third wheel.

Mitchell: Cam...
Cameron: No, no, it's obvious that I'm not wanted here, so I'll leave you to your apples on sandwiches and whatever other perversions you two are into.
Mitchell: [to Cameron] Are you hearing yourself?! It's a refrigerator! [to the refrigerator] Do you see what I mean about him?

Claire: The closet business is a bit of a boys' club, so yes, I am proud of breaking through the cedar ceiling.
Anne: Speaking of closets, any chance we could get some shots in the master bedroom?
Claire: Sure. But no peeking at my unfinished novel.

Alex: [on the phone] You know, she didn't even seem happy to see me. She just wanted me to get some s-s-s-soup.
Luke: Plus, Mom said she was sick, but she was wearing that stuff that makes her look like a prostitute.
Haley: Eyeliner?
Luke: Exactly.

Bridget: Welcome home. How can I help you?
Cameron: I'm fine. I'm just gonna make something simple.
Bridget: According to your calendar, you should be at your team dinner right now.
Cameron: Well, I couldn't make it because my last meeting went so long. So...
Bridget: You sound stressed.
Cameron: Well, can't be three places at once.
Bridget: How about a martini before we get started on dinner?
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Sometimes it's just nice to be heard.

Cameron: This sauce smells divine. Okay, what's next?
Bridget: Another cocktail?
Cameron: [laughing] Oh, gosh! Bridget! Are you trying to get me drunk?