Lily: What the heck is that?
Phil: Oh, it's a duck call to make the ducklings feel safe.
Lily: Should there be another adult present?
Phil: No. But there should be a kid present. That kid is you. You've got your whole life to roll your eyes. Today isn't just about building a duck village. It's about building your smile. Don't fight it. There it is. [quacks]

Phil: We've got a runner! No! [blows] Hey, good as new.
[aside to camera:]
Lily: Uh, she crazy.

Mitchell: It's not just the frat boys. No. He's this way with all of our guests. Cam doesn't change the sheets as much as he changes his personality.
[flashback to Cameron having a tea party with some elderly ladies:]
Cameron: [Southern accent] All right, ladies. We got some steaming-hot tea, some popping-hot biscuits.
Now, let's have a little sizzling-hot gossip.
[flashback to Cameron watching a movie with an African-American family:]
Cameron: Do not go in there! Do not open- Oh, my god! - No! - Girl, do not go back in there! - Oh, my god!

Mitchell: Look, I'm sorry. For the past few weeks, I've been rolling my eyes at you, thinking that you had this pathological need to be liked by everyone, but I couldn't have been more wrong. All right? People are just drawn to you.
Cameron: No, I do have a pathological need to be liked.
Mitchell: I knew it.
Cameron: This is a stupid prank gone wrong, and I've- I'm separated from the guys. I wanted them to like me so much I stole a goat. I'm a rustler, Mitchell. I'm a filthy rustler.
Mitchell: Okay, well, that seems worse to you than it does to me.

Cameron: I do it with all of our guests. I change who I am so they'll like me more. It's exhausting.
Mitchell: Well, then, stop, because you're likable enough just being you.
Cameron: I know. And this insecurity is a part of me that I do not love.
Jace: Caminal!
Cameron: What's up, my brothers?!
Mitchell: Cam.
Cameron: What is wrong with me?

Jay: Look, I might have been too hard on you before. I'm just tired of everyone always pitching me their closet ideas. If I had a nickel for every time someone came to me with "the next great closet," I'd have a Pegasus series split-level walk-in full of nickels.
Claire: But, Dad, I'm in the biz. I should have known that those are old design ideas.
Jay: No one nails it on the first try. Hell, I once pitched a clamshell shoe container with a living hinge.
Claire: No.
Jay: I was young.

Gloria: I'm so sorry that I gave you such a hard time about not talking to Chelsea.
Manny: Actually, you kind of helped me out.
Gloria: How?
Manny: Seeing you fall apart like that, stutter, twitch, and babble-
Gloria: Okay, bloop-bloop.
Manny: You're the most confident woman in the world, and if someone like you can be human, then I don't have to feel bad about chickening out with girls.

Manny: [on the phone] Hi, Chelsea? I was in earlier, wearing the green jacket that's louder than that guy laughing at his own screenplay? She's laughing! I would like to take you out for coffee sometime, maybe at a place you don't have to make it? Great. O-okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

Phil: What size tubing would I need for three ducklings to slide through? Cost is no ob- Where are you going? To the back to check on it? Thank you so much!

Phil: [on the phone] Hey, honey. Can I ask you a tiny little favor?
Claire: Okay.
Phil: Can you rotate the eggs-
Claire: No, Phil, I can't. I can't. I am tired, and I am sweaty, and as much as I have tried to stay positive like you all day, I think sometimes we need to just face certain facts like corporate people are not creative, and ducks that haven't hatched in a month might never.
Lily: Just turn the eggs, lady!