Cameron: No, okay, not happening. I'm having flashbacks. I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I was kid, I fell into a well.
Mitchell & Cameron: [together] It happened the same day as baby Jessica, but she got all the press.
Cameron: It still stings. Everybody loves a baby, but not one single prayer for a husky teen who's stuck head-first in a well for the better part of an hour.

Cameron: All right, Lily, let's go. Okay, how late are we, "goat loose in the house" late or "stubborn cow in the road" late?
Mitchell: You've lived here 12 years. Please use city time.

Gloria: It's a secret recipe that has been in my family for generations.
Cameron: Was your sauce buried in a local time capsule during the bicentennial? Because mine was.
Gloria: My great-aunt Miranda was the only one that could make it, and because I was the oldest girl that didn't marry a Peruvian, the recipe passed down to me.

Phil: [on the car phone] Hey, Lloyd, it's your dad, A. K. A. your worst nightmare. Just reminding you the duck village needs to be clean enough to eat off of. You hear me? You better not have.
Claire: You think maybe you're being a bit hard on Luke?
Phil: We're his parents, Claire. It's our job to keep him off the stripper pole.

Cameron: Well, you, sir, take your time deciding. We'll be here just as sure as a coonhound takes a summer nap in the shade of a chifferobe.
Mitchell: OK, now you're just randomly throwing words together from "To Kill a Mockingbird."