Gloria: Jerry, is everything okay?
Jay: Yeah, does your truck need a push?
Jerry: It's the darnedest thing. I can't seem to drive away. Dropping off Dede's stuff was the last check on the ol' list. Heck if I'm not feeling pretty lost.
Jay: Yeah, I get it. Listen, you just drive down this street, turn right, and you'll hit the freeway.
Gloria: Jerry, just come inside.
Jerry: No, I couldn't.
Jay: Yeah, got to love a man with pride. That's the thing that'll serve you well on the freeway.

Gloria: [to Jerry] Just come inside, I'll make you something to eat, and you can stay as long as you want. Right, Jay?
Jay: One of these days, Gloria.
Gloria: One of these days what?
Jay: Nothing. Just one of these days.

Mitchell: All right. Where should we put Mom? Uh, not too close to the window. Don't want to spend the next years whispering.
Cameron: Okay, so, your mom can be a tree, but when I told you my Uncle Honus fell into a thresher and the next spring, an owl appeared with his exact face and pocket watch, you poo-pooed it.
Mitchell: Why are you being so difficult?
Cameron: Because when we first got together, you promised that someday we would move back to my family farm, and every year, the someday gets kicked further down the road like a nosy census taker.

Jerry: Jay, an enlightened man would go over there and say, "Gloria, I love and respect you, so of course I love and respect your family. I am sorry."
Jay: But it was all her fault. She wouldn't admit it, but she told me one person was staying with us for one day.
Jerry: That's her text, but what was her subtext?
Jay: Jerry, you're a genius. She sent me a text. I have the proof. Gloria?
Gloria: What?
Jay: Right here.
Gloria: You don't have to walk over here. I can read your giant font from across the room.

Jay: "Jay, don't call the police when you come home. It's my cousin. He's staying with us for one day."
Gloria: Let me see. [Gloria puts Jay's cell phone in the garbage disposal and turns it on]
Jay: [to Jerry] Walk me through that Buddhist nonsense again.

Phil: ♪ Get your motor goin' ♪ ♪ Heading for the doorway ♪ ♪ Cooking an adventure ♪ ♪ And then we make that doorway ♪ So fun! You're smiling. You love the car.

Claire: Ah, I just remembered something.
Phil: What? Tell me.
Claire: It's a... It's a thing from high school.
Phil: Come on. There are no secrets on the open road.
Claire: I just remembered that I lost my virginity in this car.
Phil: [music stops] What's that now?
Claire: Yeah, my boyfriend snuck the car out at night and then, you know... He found the doorway.
Phil: [laughs] Oh, my knuckles are overheating.

Claire: This isn't bothering you, is it, Phil? I mean, you told me about your first time.
Phil: I told you about that to explain why I hate bees so much. Let's just not talk about this anymore.
Claire: Okay.
Radio: ♪ Born to be wild ♪
Phil: This is the song that was playing, isn't it?
Claire: It's one of them.
Phil: [throws tape out of the car]

Mitchell: Oh, God, why are you crying? Did you just win the weirdest beauty pageant ever?
Cameron: Promises kept, Mitchell. 180 months of roses, and I just watched the most beautiful love story between boy and alien. Why can't the world have the hearts of children?
Mitchell: Uh-huh.
Cameron: You know, I think the thing that touched me the most was how we were really rooting for E.T. to find his way home.
Mitchell: I bet you were pretty thrilled to stumble upon that coincidence.
Cameron: I didn't hate it. Anyway, I'm all caught up in the promises department. Your serve.

Mitchell: Cam, I just started at the D.A.'s office. I... I can't move anytime soon. Plus, what about Lily's school?
Cameron: They have schools in Grasshopper.
Mitchell: Do they? Plus, Lily has so many friends here.
Cameron: Does she?
Lily: Did I hear my name? What are you two yentas gabbing about?
Mitchell: We were just talking about moving to Grandma and Grandpa's farm in... in the heart of Tornado Alley. Oh, God. Cam... Cam. Look, she's clearly terrified.
Cameron: Yeah, well, don't worry, sweetie, because it's already been determined. We're staying here forever, because other daddy is planting dead Nana in the backyard.
Lily: I'm out.