‘Mother!’
Season 9, Episode 20 - Aired May 2, 2018
When Dede drops by unexpectedly, Mitchell and Cameron are startled to realize how she has been controlling their lives all these years. Phil, Luke, Alex and Haley have bad news to break to Claire, but they must all find a way to tell her in the window of time she's relaxed after her monthly spa day. Meanwhile, Jay and Manny edit a scary movie together.
Quote from Jay
Manny: If Mom starts to think the monster sounds familiar, I say we tell her it's Stella barking.
Jay: And hurt Stella's feelings? Think!
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: [to Jay and Manny] There they are, my handsome movie makers. [laughs] What are you wearing? What are you wearing? [to Mitchell] What are you wearing?
Mitchell: Whatever I want. Okay, I just found out that my mother has been secretly controlling every decision we've ever made, so we are taking our lives back. She thinks this color washes me out. Well, guess what?
Jay: She was right?
Gloria: You match the carpet. Use more teeth when you talk, because I'm losing your whole face.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Okay, pay them no never mind.
Mitchell: Uh, she also implied 15 years ago that Cam's accent was trashy, so that's also happening.
Cameron: Yep, and it came right back to me like a cheatin' husband on his rent day.
Quote from Gloria
Claire: [sighs] Sorry I'm late.
Gloria: What the hell? Does no one know what "upscale cocktail Hollywood glamour fabulous" means?
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Tarnation, here comes your kin! Git! Git! [to Mitchell] Sorry, I'm still working on the balance.
Quote from Claire
Luke: Mommy?
Claire: Nope. Not cute anymore. You're 40.
Alex: You know, forgiveness creates a biochemical reaction that-
Claire: Don't care. You're up.
Haley: [fake sobs] You're gone, aren't you?
Quote from Dede
Mitchell: Is Mom still at your house?
Claire: Oh, no, she ran off all mad at me. I guess I'm not getting a recycled hemp Christmas card this year.
Mitchell: Well, Cam and I have a tiny bone to pick with her, too, for controlling our entire lives. Not that it'll matter. We all know what she's gonna say.
Both: "Well, forgive me for caring."
Dede: Well, forgive me for caring.
Claire: Are you kidding?!
Quote from Dede
Jay: Look who dropped in.
Gloria: What a surprise. Let me get you a chair.
Dede: Oh, don't bother. Sitting's the new smoking.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [aside to camera] Worked like a charm. I don't know what was more genius, bringing Dede in, or hooking the audience early with some teenage sex.
Manny: You were right to fight for that.
Quote from Gloria
Claire: No, you know what, that scream actually sounded somehow familiar.
Mitchell: Yeah, it did, didn't it?
Claire: Yeah.
Gloria: Stella, no! No! Out, out, out! I'll kill you!
Claire: Oh.
Gloria: What? [gasps] You made me into your monster!
Jay: Not on purpose.
Manny: It's just a bunch of awful sounds laid on top of each other.
Gloria: How is that better?