Dylan: I gotta go get some of my stuff. Is that cool?
Claire: Oh, sure. Yeah.
Dylan: [sobs] There she is again. [sobs]
Claire: Don't look on the bookshelf. You're just gonna-
Dylan: [wails]

Jay: [on the phone] Hey, kid, you got a minute? I need the name of that medical Web site.
Manny: Can this wait until I'm home? I'm having the round of my life.
Jay: I've been thinking I might have a couple of those those symptoms you were talking about.
Manny: Oh. I see. [to kids] You might as well play through. It's gonna be a while.
Jay: I'm probably wrong, but I just wanna make sure.
Gloria: Is that Manny?
Jay: Work. So tell 'em I'll get that order out this afternoon, huh?
Manny: Did she buy that? Because it sounded fake on this end.

Phil: Dylan! Aw, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.
Dylan: Hey, Mr. Dunphy.
Phil: Hey, now that you guys are broken up, you can call me whatever you want. Phil, Vitamin P, P-Daddy.
Dylan: Okay, Phil.
Phil: Okay.

Dylan: Well, I guess I'll see ya.
Phil: Okay. Y- You, uh- You can go ahead and exit through the front door.
Dylan: Oh, right. Habit.

Cameron: My old yearbooks!
Barb Tucker: I saved 'em all.
Cameron: Ohh! Oh, look.
Barb Tucker: What?
Cameron: "You're the cutest boy in school. We're gonna have an awesome summer. Smooches, Brenda." Oh, Brenda, you're about to have the most confusing summer of your life.

Phil: Thanks for helping me pick out my ax. You were so right. The one with two necks would have been overkill.
Dylan: If you want, you can have some of that.
Phil: Diet starts tomorrow! Don't tell Mrs. Dunphy about this either.
Dylan: I, uh I I always wanted to go to this place with Haley, but she said it looked stupid.
Phil: She's a girl with strong opinions, like her mother. Claire hates this new sweatshirt I bought. She says it looks like something a girl would wear to the beach.
Dylan: Yeah, it does.
Phil: But I wear it anyway.

Phil: I figure, why be alive if you can't do the things you're passionate about? What are you passionate about, Dylan?
Dylan: Uh, I always wanted to drive to Graceland.
Phil: Fun! What else?
Dylan: Phil: I know a guy who can get me a pet bobcat.
Phil: Yeah! No, you don't really know what they're gonna do. The point is, you got your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy being single. I really oughta play that song for you. This is all in there.

Haley: Hey, hey, come here. Is that guy over there with someone?
Busboy: Uh-huh.
Haley: Could you tell if there was anything going on between them?
Busboy: I don't know. They were talking about taking a trip to Graceland together.
Haley: He just wants to go 'cause he thinks it's an amusement park!

Gloria: What are you guys looking at?
Jay: Girls!
Manny: Huffington Post! Uh, girls.

Haley: I'm gonna kill her! I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna kill both of them!
Claire: What happened?
Haley: Dylan has a new girlfriend!
Phil: When did that happen?
Claire: Who cares?
Phil: I'm just surprised he didn't say anything to you.