Mitchell: I get why you don't want me here. I-I know there's no such thing as bad luck, but there- There is bad energy, and I bring a lot of that to your whole sports world. And that's- That's because of my own history with it and you deserve better.
Cameron: I couldn't do better. You know what? Why can't we look at sports like one of those friends that one of us likes and the other doesn't? Sports can be like your mom.

Mitchell: You know, actually, I-I didn't hate this.
Cameron: Oh, shut up.
Mitchell: No, I didn't. I-I was kind of getting into the whole football culture. There is an elegance that this has- [Cameron's team dump a vat of liquid on them] No! No! This is vicuna! You neanderthals!

Jay: Hey, wait a second. Your team just won six straight. Let's celebrate with a little scotch. You're old enough for your first sip.
Manny: She dumped me, Jay.
Jay: Okay, we're gonna do this.
Manny: She was just using me to make her old boyfriend jealous. Now they're back together. Don't tell Mom, okay? I had a sense she didn't like Sam.
Jay: Really? She didn't say anything.
Manny: My first girlfriend. She was perfect.
Jay: Eh, a little wide in the can.
Manny: Jay.
Jay: I'm sorry. Just- You ask me, you're lucky.
Manny: She dumped me by text while making out with her old boyfriend. I broke down crying. My charcoal ran like mascara. I had to be comforted by the other team's mascot. Lucky?
Jay: Think about it. How many guys your age would kill to be used by a girl like Sam? She picked you. She used you.
Manny: I was a body, Jay.
Jay: Come on. If she had picked an average guy, that boyfriend never would have got jealous. She had to pick a guy on his level.

Claire: Who rings the bell in the middle of the night? It is the creepiest thing.
Phil: I'm sure it's just, I don't know, some guy's car broke down and he wants to use our phone.
Claire: Have you ever seen a movie?