Claire: [aside to camera] Man plans to go to Steely Dan. God laughs.

Jay: If you say you weren't in an accident, I believe you.
Gloria: Thank you, baby.
Jay: There is just one more thing.
Gloria: Is that my phone?
Jay: Yeah. You've got a lot of interesting pictures here, but especially this one. It looks like the front end of your car is rammed into the back end of this car. Now, I'm not an insurance adjuster, but I would say that that's pretty solid proof you were in an accident.
Gloria: That's not my car.
Jay: But why would you take a picture of some random accident?
Gloria: To remind me of how precious life is.
Jay: That's your license plate.
Gloria: Do you even know who makes license plates, Jay? Prisoners! Are you gonna take the word of a convicted felon over your wife's?
Jay: Makes no sense.
Gloria: Exactly.
Jay: What is your problem?! Don't you see what this is doing to me?! I need to know that you can admit when you made a mistake. I know there's good in you, Gloria!

Jay: Gloria, I've been thinking. That whole accident thing? I'm dropping it. You say it didn't happen, it didn't happen.
Gloria: It happened.
Jay: What, are you admitting it?
Gloria: Yes. The accident... it was my fault. Please forgive me, mi amor.
Jay: Uh-oh. Where's Stella?

Mitchell: I-I should have just asked, uh, Francisco myself. W-Why is it you call him "Boss" and me "Mitch"?
Francisco: Oh, uh, uh...
Mitchell: It's okay. You can tell me. I-I can take it.
Francisco: Well, uh, I can't remember his name.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: Really?
Francisco: You know, I keep wanting to say "Krang," but I know that's not right. Unless it is?

Cameron: It's Cam. Okay. We have spent every day together, Francisco. I'm a little offended.
Francisco: Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, my name's actually Fernando.
Cameron: Oh. It does help.

Gil Thorpe: Oh, my God. That's Dunphy. 50 bucks to the first guy who hits him, huh?