Jay: I'm calling it. I'm done.
Male voice: [on phone] Calling Brian Dunn.
Jay: No. No, no. I owe him money.

Gloria: Jay, you need to talk to Sherry and tell her that it was your idea.
Jay: I've kept up my part of the bargain. Now, don't go all Colombian and tell me if I don't talk to Sherry you're not making those sausages, 'cause I already took a second statin. Sorry, for once, you're not getting your way.
[cut to:]
Jay: Hey, Sher, got a sec?

Jay: I know you're upset with Manny. That's on me. I put some ideas in his head. You know, I'm kind of a hero to him. I didn't mean to cause any trouble. You know, I'm crazy about the kid, and I just want to make sure he's in a healthy relationship.
Sherry: Gloria put you up to this, didn't she?
Jay: It's complicated.
Sherry: [scoffs] You do see the irony of this, right? She's so worried about Manny getting bossed around, yet she has no problem bossing you around?
Jay: No, no, that's crazy.
Sherry: Really? Is this how you wanted to spend your afternoon?
Jay: No, I hate this. Man, I had a whole day planned.
Sherry: Listen, I'm gonna let Manny spiral for a few hours, and then we're gonna go back upstairs and move the furniture around.
Jay: Oh, God, it was that.
Sherry: But you need to stand up for yourself. You go back in there, and you tell Gloria that you're tired of being told what to do.
Jay: Let me think about it.
Sherry: Don't think. Just do it.

[As Mitchell showers:]
Mitchell: Oh! Oh.
Pam: Relax. It's nothing I haven't seen before. I was on the boys' wrestling team.

Mitchell: What do you want? I transferred the miles.
Pam: I got 'em. Decided I don't want to travel, though... Converted them all into gift cards.
Mitchell: No, no, no, they say you're not supposed to do that.
Pam: I decided I want something else. I want to move in upstairs, and I want a HEPA air filter on account of I shed.
Mitchell: I told you it's rented. I can't just cancel on them.
Pam: You sure about that? Because when I don't get what I want, I can make things real uncomfortable. [turns tap]
Mitchell: Oh, cold, cold!

Cameron: What's going on?
Pam: Nothing. Mitchell and I's just talking.
Mitchell: No, no, we weren't. I can't... I can't take this anymore. I'm sorry. I never wrote the letter to the parole board.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: I... I tried to lie, but I just... I couldn't do it.
Cameron: Yet you had no problem lying to me. You just let my sister rot in that horrific hell hole?
Mitchell: Oh, please, they have a Taco Tuesday!

Mitchell: Uh, Cam, c-can we talk?
Cameron: Oh, hold up. I'm just looking through some pictures of me helping out your family. Here I am taking Jay and Gloria to the airport, and, oh, this is me, uh, helping Alex move into her dorm room, and who can forget when I helped Phil with that magic trick and let him make me disappear.
Mitchell: You're not in that picture.
Cameron: That's how good I am at helping out. Now let's take a look at some pictures of you helping out my family. Oh!

Mitchell: Cam, I tried to write the letter. I... I really did, but she broke the law, and she got a fair sentence. She did not deserve to get out early. I-I couldn't bring myself to lie about it.
Cameron: Oh, give me a break. I have heard you say the words, "Nice perm, Manny." You can get there.

Mitchell: I am an officer of the law. I took an oath.
Cameron: What about our oath? To love, honor, and... and lie for each other's family.
Mitchell: Oh, that's not part of it.
Cameron: But it's implied.
Pam: Stop. Stop. Mitchell's right. I spent the day terrorizing him. I'm a horrible person. I should still be in jail. Look what I took.
Mitchell: Is that my beard trimmer?
Pam: Works on other hairs.

Pam: I'm sorry. I am a thief and a liar and a manipulator. I can't be trusted to rejoin society.
Cameron: Hey, don't say that. You're... You're gonna be fine.
Pam: What about little Cal? He's doing so good here. I'm just gonna ruin him. I need supervision, to be locked back up. You guys know where I can get a pickup truck and a big ol' chain? I'm gonna steal me a Redbox.