Mr. Dietrich: We froze Victor's pension because of the dispute with the other family. But you're absolutely right, Manitoba law states that a common-law wife is entitled to her husband's pension. And even if the other family isn't willing to sign a release, you would probably prevail in court. Of course, you'd have to prove you're a common-law wife... with DNA tests of children, lease in both your names, phone bills, that sort of thing. But I think you'd win.
Ida: Finally, a Canadian who isn't an idiot.
Mr. Dietrich: The problem is, the pension's only $43.50 a month. Canadian. And what with hiring a lawyer, court costs, other expenses... it would all cost so much, I don't see you breaking even for 20 or 30 years. Do you think you'll live that long?
Lois: God, no! I mean... no.
Mr. Dietrich: I'm really sorry. Look, just so today isn't a total loss, I'm going to fix you up with a coupon for ten percent off our Elite Wonder Bristle. It's the brush I use.
Lois: Okay, Mom, you tried. Let's go.
Ida: No. We're going to do this.
Lois: What? Were you listening? He said you're going to lose money going after this thing.
Ida: I don't care. We're gonna get a lawyer.
Lois: Do you really hate these people so much that you're willing to ruin yourself just to get even with them? It's stupid.
Ida: [quietly] He was my husband.
Mr. Dietrich: Okay, here's your coupon. If there's anything else you need, feel free to give us a call. Just think of us as Victor's second family. Well, uh, third.

Sylvia: Hello, Lois, dear.
Lois: My mom's not here. Look, Sylvia, it turns out there is a pension. A tiny one. $40 a month.
Sylvia: Is that all?
Lois: Yes, and my mom's all worked up about it, and she's willing to waste all her money on a court fight to get it.
Sylvia: Oh, dear.
Lois: So, I was wondering if you'd be nice enough to just sign a release so she could have it.
Sylvia: Oh, I don't see that ever happening. Good-bye, dear.
Lois: But you people got everything. For my mom, this is all she's got. I... She's just looking for some way to feel connected to her husband.
Sylvia: You mean my husband. [closes door]
Lois: This conversation is not over! [Sylvia turns music on] This conversation... Oh, you think that's gonna stop me?! [knocks on window] You don't know who you're dealing with! Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Try and hide! You can't hide from me!

Sylvia: I don't want us to have another argument, Lois.
Lois: Oh, we don't have to. I have some news. We did a blood test. I'm not Victor's daughter. It turns out I'm not related to you people at all.
Roberta: But we're so alike!
Lois: I know. It's amazing, isn't it? You know what's even more amazing? It doesn't change anything. Because no matter what, I know that I am Victor's daughter. That horrible, deceitful, bitter man was my father. He was my father when I was two, and he locked me in the closet. He was my father when I was eight, and he got me drunk. He was my father on my wedding day when he told Hal he could do better. He was my dad.
Sylvia: You've got a funny little brain, young lady, but if it makes you feel better, I'm happy.
Lois: Well, you know, the same way I know that he was my father, I know that Ida was his wife. Not technically, not legally, but I know it. And you know it, too. And that's why you hate her so much.
Sylvia: I don't hate, dear. I'm Canadian.
Lois: Well, it's why you're angry then. But the problem is, you're angry at the wrong person. It's not Ida. It's Victor, your husband, who betrayed you both, who manipulated you both. Who made you both feel like you weren't worth being the only one. You hate him, and you know what? He deserves it. Funny thing is, I came up here because I thought Roberta and I were the same, but it's you and my mother who are really alike.
Sylvia: I'll sign whatever you want. Just don't ever say that again.

Lois: I'm telling you, Hal, it is uncanny how much we are alike. We both have five letters in our middle name! We both like movies about English ladies living in tropical countries. We have the same ring size, and we both hope to go skiing one day!
Hal: Wow. Make sure I get the right one back.

Hal: I wish I could come. Although, obviously, not as much as I want to go racing with Dewey. Right, sport?
Dewey: Wouldn't it be pretty to think so.

Jamie: [cries]
Reese: Get ready for 21 hours of this.
Malcolm: Reese, you put him in his seat face down!

Lois: I can't ring the doorbell. It's too weird.
Reese: You can do it. Canadian doorbells work just like ours.

Lois: So, is Dad's oth...? Uh... I mean, is Victor...? Is your mother here?
Roberta: Oh, yes. But she's really, uh...
Sylvia: They shouldn't have come... until I've had time to finish the cookies. And my hair is just a mess! You look just like your father! Well, we're all thinking it. I don't care how uncomfortable this is. Give me a hug! [hugs Lois]
Reese: Wow. Grandpa really went for old women.

Malcolm: [to camera] Genes are weird. Reese and I are brothers, and we're barely in the same species. But Jerome is my half-cousin, and we look the same, we stand the same, and we're already talking like we're best friends.
Jerome: Malcolm, you're describing an ontology of modality that's completely consistent. As consistent as logicism.
Malcolm: [laughs] [to camera] And he's funny!

Scott: Hey, Malcolm, I'm gonna take your brother goose hunting.
Malcolm: You're taking Reese hunting?
Scott: Yeah, you know, he says he's never held a gun before, but, boy, he seems like a natural with it.
Reese: God, I hope the zombies attack today. [cocks gun]