Dewey: [to a crawling fly] Hi. Why aren't you flying? My name is Dewey. Good to meet you, Tony. Want to play? Okay, but I get to be the red team.

Richie: Mi casa es su casa. This may be my parents' house, but, dude... down here, anything goes.
Francis: Oh! What is that smell?
Richie: It could be the laundry. It could be the mildew. It could be that rat I shot. I think I wounded it. It probably crawled into a hole in the wall to die or something.
Francis: What's this?
Richie: It's your bed. You got to blow it up. [woman groans on TV] Welcome to Chez Richie. Rule number one: there are no rules. Rule number two: no shoes on the sofa.

Malcolm: Come on. What's the answer? You can do this. [Reese is stumped] We've gone over this a thousand times. [slams window shut] You have to carry the tenths. Tenths have to go someplace. Tenths don't just float around. Get smarter already! Think. Make your brain work. I could be outside doing anything other than this. But, no. I'm stuck in here babysitting this...
Reese: 4.2.
Malcolm: That's right.
Reese: I mean... I actually understand this. The tenths have to go someplace.
Malcolm: Great. Let's move on to the next one. [Reese is stumped]

Reese: I spent two days on it. There was even a paragraph that I thought really sucked so I went back and rewrote it. Malcolm, I'd never done that before, but last night... I mean, look at me. I'm going on and on while you're sitting here trying to read. How's the grammar? Never mind.
Malcolm: Reese... This is C-minus work.
Reese: All right!
Malcolm: Nice job!
Reese: You're not just saying that?
Malcolm: No. This is seriously the best work I've ever seen you do.
Reese: Yes! That's great! I couldn't have done it without you! [hugs Malcolm] Thanks, Malcolm.
Both: Ew!
Reese: [to his paper] I kicked your ass!

Lois: You got another "F"?!
Malcolm: Mom, I read that paper. It's not an "F"!
Lois: Then what is this?
Reese: We've been studying four hours a night.
Lois: Well, guess what. It's not enough. You're going to study eight hours a night if that's what it takes to get your grades up, and that's what you're going to do.
Malcolm: But, Mom...
Lois: I don't see a mother here. All I see is a warden with two prisoners who are out of their cell. Now get back in there!

Francis: Okay, you know what? It's freezing, but I don't need heat 'cause I got justice on my side. [woman groans on TV] Mom will cave. She'll cave. It's going to be so sweet. [Richie is clipping his toe nails] Could you do that in the bathroom, Richie?
Richie: Dude, no one's going in there for at least six hours.
Francis: Well, then, could you do it over a wastebasket or something? And can we cool it on the porno for, like, five minutes?
Richie: Yeah. When this is over, I'll just pop in Sluts of the Big Ten.
Francis: No. No more porn.
Richie: Dude... that's a documentary.
Francis: Ow! God, my eye!
Richie: Hey, try to find that toenail, Francis. It is so creepy to step on those things.

Reese: What am I going to do? I can't get put in the remedial class. They walk to the cafeteria holding each other's belts.
Malcolm: Unless... maybe Lloyd's right. Maybe someone should take the test for you.
Reese: You mean cheat? We can't cheat. Mom will kill us. And it's wrong. But more importantly, Mom would kill us!
Malcolm: Hey, we're out of options here, Reese.
Dabney: You're going to get caught.
Malcolm: No, we're not. And you know why? Because we have four brilliant minds here to help plan this out.
Lloyd: You had to appeal to my vanity, didn't you?
Stevie: I'm in.
Dabney: I'm sorry, but I am honor-bound to report this conversation to the vice-principal.
Lloyd: Then we're honor-bound to report you still sleep with an Elmo blankie.
Dabney: Okay, I'm in.

Dewey: [to fly] No, Tony, that's not fair. Today it's my cartoons before school and your cartoons after school. Fine, Tony, be that way. I don't want to be your friend anyway
[After Dewey puts the fly down and walks away, it flies over and lands on his shoulder]
Dewey: Tony! I can't stay mad at you either.

Lois: Hey, did Francis call you at work yet?
Hal: No. No, I haven't talked to him since he...
Lois: He thinks he's making some kind of point by cutting off all contact. You know, he should know. Till he's ready to apologize, there's really no reason to call. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he realizes that we have figured him out.
Hal: Ah! What have we to figure out, dear?
Lois: That I'm in it for the long haul. He should know I am prepared to go the distance!
Hal: You know, I think he likes tomatoes on his sandwich.
Lois: Other bag, Hal.
Hal: Ah, right. Bye.

Lloyd: A masterful "B," Malcolm. I could never dumb myself down like this. I find this "F" very troubling.
Stevie: Something... stinks.
Dabney: He knows we cheated! We're going to have to start cutting separate deals.