Reese: Malcolm, you gotta help me.
Malcolm: What's goin' on?
Reese: It's horrible. There's $400 missing from my register at the end of my shift and they think I took it.
Malcolm: Well, did you?
Reese: No, of course not!
Barton: I'm Barton.
Reese: Who's this dork?
Malcolm: My tutor.
Reese: You're kiddin' me! The one time I need you to be a genius, I find you're faking the whole smart thing?

Malcolm: Calm down. How did this happen?
Reese: I dunno. My register didn't total.
Malcolm: Who was there?
Reese: Everyone. Me, Sean, Greta, Richie.
Malcolm: Richie? Why didn't you say so?
Reese: What do you mean?
Malcolm: He's setting you up.
Reese: How do you know?
Malcolm: Because it's Richie!

Lois: Did you get it?
Hal: Yes, I got it. Pet store owner said it was already dead, but I suspect the worst.
Lois: Okay, we switch them tonight when Dewey's sleeping.
Hal: Lois, it seems so sneaky and underhanded. What kind of example are we setting for the boys?
Lois: Oh, Hal, stop worrying. The boys are fine.
[Malcolm, Reese and Barton sneak past the window behind Lois]

Richie: Did you get the money?
Malcolm: Yeah, you'd like another 400, wouldn't you?
Richie: What are you talking about?
Barton: Wow! An entire colony of parasitica.
Richie: Get your own pizza, Dewey.
Malcolm: His name's not Dewey.
Richie: Well then, how come you had me call him Dewey all these years?

Malcolm: Look, we know you took the money and you're just trying to pin it on Reese.
Reese: After everything my brother's done for you! All the alibis, handouts, all the times he's helped you fake your death!

Malcolm: Fine. We'll just let the police decide.
Richie: Whoa! What makes you think they'll take your side?
Malcolm: Maybe 'cause you've been already been arrested ten times for petty theft.
Richie: Excuse me, one of those was for arson.

Richie: I'm telling you, you're making a big mistake.
Malcolm: No, I'm not!
Richie: Yes, you are!
Malcolm: No, I'm not!
Barton: Yes, you are. He didn't do it. According to this citation, Richie was stopped at 4:20 today at 18th and Wilson for urinating from a moving vehicle.
Reese: So?
Barton: So... The Circus Burger is on Walnut, which is at least 25 miles away. He couldn't have been gotten there during Reese's break.
Malcolm: Well, maybe if the traffic was light, then he...
Barton: Yeah, and maybe if a '78 Bonneville could go 300 mph. Otherwise, it's impossible.
Richie: Hey, way to go, Dewey!

Reese: But I swear to God, I didn't take the money!
Richie: Well, look, we still have a few hours. Maybe we can figure-
Greta: [enters] Richie, I got us the DVD player but we need to steal another 600 if you want the surround... sound.
Richie: You may wanna hang on to that receipt.
Reese: I can't believe you lied! We're calling the cops.
Richie: Hey, hey, hey. Maybe we could figure out some sort of deal? Whatever you guys want, it's yours.
Reese: We get to use your place for a party any time we want.
Malcolm: Yeah, and we get free burgers for life.
Reese: And I get to make out with your girlfriend.
Greta: Forget it!
Reese: Alright, the bean bag chair.

Reese: [car horn honks] Oh, there's our ride.
Lois: It's so nice of Richie to drive you to school.
Reese: Yeah, well, that's just his way of saying thanks for a job well done.

Lloyd: Mr. Herkabe, we know this is hard for you, so...
Malcolm: It's his dad. We photoshopped your head in.